Animal jokes (5761 to 5775)Jokes about animals. These are the jokes listed 5761 to 5775. |
The Americans and Russians at ...
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued as they were they would blow up the whole world.One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk.
They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund.
Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cage doors were opened, the Dachshund came out first and slowly waddled over toward the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund. But when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."
"Yeah," an American replied, "and we had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
The Bottom Line
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.
The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"
The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."
The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"
Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
What do you call a monkey that...
What do you call a monkey that sits on a stick of dynamite?A baboom!
Mrs CR Smith, Assynt Bank, Penicuik
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com
Mrs CR Smith, Assynt Bank, Penicuik
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com
The full article contains 43 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
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