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Beer jokes (1 to 10)Jokes about beer. These are the jokes listed 1 to 10. |
Fridge Jokes
June 26th is World Refrigeration Day! Find jokes about it!
What do you call an encyclopedia in the fridge?
Cold, hard facts.
What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?
Very cool music.
Why is cold milk always so relaxed?
Because it chills in the fridge.
What did the ranch say to the refrigerator?
Close the door, I'm dressing.
What’s the easiest way to get a six-pack at the gym?
Take the beer from your fridge and smuggle it in.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What is blue, white and cant climb mountains?
A fridge wearing a denim jacket.
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.
Why did the man throw the contents of his fridge out of the window?
He wanted to see the butterfly.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Is your refrigerator running?
Mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.
How come the fridge is always emotionally stable?
Because it’s always chill.
What do you call something that runs but never gets anywhere?
A fridge.
Why was the blonde sitting in the fridge?
Because the label on her juice said to refrigerate after opening.
#RefrigerationDay #WorldRefrigerationDay
18 Worst dad jokes for Fathers Day, according to Amazon employees
Amazon employees reveal on their best WORST dad jokes in an hilarious video series to mark Father's Day. Filmed in its UK fulfilment centres. Scotland is revealed to be the bad dad joke capital of Britain.
Interesting, one of these jokes is also voted one of 20 Best dad jokes of all time
Why are pirates called pirates?
Cos they arrrr.
What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Do you know why dads take an extra pair of socks to golf?
In case they get a hole in one.
My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall to her …
I SAID MAYBE.
What did the janitor say when he walked into the cupboard?
Supplies.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Have you heard about the chocolate record player?
It sounds pretty sweet.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
My friend cut his finger while he was cooking.
He shouldn't have been using the sharp cheese. Sorry, that joke was a little too cheesy.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, they croak every night.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says,
Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says,
I'm sorry,
we don't serve food here.
Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?
Because they're afraid one of them might crack up.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They just don't have the guts.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they turn around and make up stuff.
8 new jokes for Happy Friday
1. A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him.
I know the drill.
2. Never fall in love with a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
3. Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
4. 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
Now they're tenants
5. What do you call a hot babe you met at a party that's blackout drunk?
An Uber.
6. How do you know if an American sold drugs in high school?
They know what grams are.
7. A man sees his buddy carrying a box.
"What's that?" he ask.
"Oh, I got a case of beer for my wife."
Man nods sagely, "Good trade."
8. Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?
Me: I went to Yale during this time period.
Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!
Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!
4. 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
Now they're tenants
5. What do you call a hot babe you met at a party that's blackout drunk?
An Uber.
6. How do you know if an American sold drugs in high school?
They know what grams are.
7. A man sees his buddy carrying a box.
"What's that?" he ask.
"Oh, I got a case of beer for my wife."
Man nods sagely, "Good trade."
8. Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?
Me: I went to Yale during this time period.
Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!
Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!
Happy Friday with fresh new jokes
I poured root beer in a square glass.Now I just have beer.
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?"
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Yesterday, I farted in the Apple Store and everyone got upset at me.
It’s not my fault they don’t have Windows…
San Francisco isn't just funny,
It's hill areas.
World Hypertension Day jokes
World Hypertension Day is observed every May 17th in order to raise awareness and promote hypertension prevention, detection and control. Raise awareness with these jokes.
Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?
He was taking everything with a grain of salt.
My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication
it was a tough pill to swallow
Russian health tips
-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness....
A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"
16 Jokes to celebrate Hug an Australian Day!
April 26th is Hug an Australian Day! Find jokes about Australia and Australians: 1.Q: Why are murders in Tasmania so hard to solve?
A: Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.
2.A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
3.Q: If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
A: Australian!
4.Q: How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
5.Q: What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup?
A: The referee.
6.Q: What do you call a farting Aussie?
A: Ned Smelly
7.Q: What's the difference between Cinderella and Melbourne FC?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball
8.An Aussie said, “Take away your snow capped mountains, culture, and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The kiwi answered, “Australia”.
9.Q: What do you call an Aussie with 100 girlfriends?
A: A farmer
10.Q: Why is Australia such a dry country?
A: We don't have a king or queen to reign on it.
11.Two Aussies are drinking together. One says, “When I die, will you promise to pour a beer on my grave?”
The other replies, “No worries mate, but I’ll have to pass it through my kidneys first.”
12.Q: Why did Tasmanians evolve to grow two heads?
A: So they can have an intelligent conversation when they visit the mainland!
13.Q: Where can someone visit for 2 hours in Melbourne.
A: St Kilda via Punt Road.
14.Q: Want to hear a joke about the construction industry in Australia?
A: Too bad, they're still working on it!
15.Q: How do you know when you're a hipster bogan?
A: When your coffee machine costs more than your washing machine.
16.Here's something you didn't know...Your taxi driver was a surgeon before arriving in Australia.
#HuganAustralianDay
Buying a newspaper
One day, a man's beloved dog passed away, leaving him heartbroken. His dog had been incredibly helpful, doing chores like washing dishes and running errands. Grieving, the man decided to find a new pet to fill the void.
At the pet store, he asked the manager if they had any animals that could perform tasks like his dog had. The manager looked around and said, "We don't have much, but there's this centipede."
Though skeptical, the man took the centipede home. To test its abilities, he asked it to fetch a beer from the fridge, and the centipede did so.
Next, he asked it to run a bath
It also accomplished.
Before getting into the bath, the man requested the centipede to go to the store and buy a newspaper. The centipede agreed. However, when the man emerged from the bath an hour later, he found the centipede at the bottom of the stairs, not having left for the store yet.
"Didn't I ask you to go to the store?" he questioned.
The centipede replied, "GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PUT MY SHOES ON!"
Sizing up the opportunity
A man walks into a bar with a monkey in tow. The man sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him a beer and watches the man's monkey run around along the bar.
The monkey grabs a peanut and swallows it whole, then grabs a slice a lime and swallows that whole.
Finally, the monkey jumps onto a pool table, grabs the cue ball and manages to shove it in his mouth then swallow it whole as well. The bartender asks the man, "You see what your monkey's done?"
The man looks up from his beer and says, "No...what's he done now?" The bartender tells the man and the man apologizes, pays for the damage done and leaves with his monkey.
The bartender doesn't see the man at the bar for a month, but the man does return with the same monkey in tow.
The man asks for a beer, and the bartender obliges. The monkey proceeds to jump up on the bar, grabs a cherry, shoves it up his butt then takes it out and swallows it whole.
The bartender says to the man, "You see what your monkey's done?!"
The man looks up from his beer and says, "No...what's he done now?" The bartender tells him.
The man replies, "Yeah, he does that now...After the cue ball he checks to make sure he can get it out before he swallows it."