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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (571 to 585)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 571 to 585. |
25 years of marriage
After 25 years of marriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said:
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
But my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.
25 years of marriage
After 25 years of marriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said:
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
But my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.
Question and answer blond jokes
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?A: She didn't know what number came first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: Why did it take the blonde seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago?
A: She kept seeing signs that read "stop clean bathroom".
The Blonde Nun
One night a blond nun was praying in her room when Godappreared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is
full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and
prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to
you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you
anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of
Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material
since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said
the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blonds
everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to
stop."
"Consider it done," said God. Blonde jokes shall be stricken
from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is
something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth
your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel."
Question And Answer Blond Jokes
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Good thinking
Two brunettes and a blonde are driving in the desert when, all of a sudden, their car breaks down.
As none of them have any motoring knowledge, they decide to walk. Each of them decides to take one thing with her.
The first brunette takes some food in case she gets hungry, the second brunette takes some water in case she gets thirsty and the blonde takes a car door.
When questioned about her choice, the blonde replies:
"Well, if I get hot, I can roll down the window!"
Blonde gets haircut
A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut. When the beautician approached the chair where the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was wearing a walkman. The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair." The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it."The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting. A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde, "I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing that walkman. Please take it off." The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it, cut around it please." The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough.
The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the walkman off the blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and on to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover she was stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted the earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the blonde.
In a soft but commanding voice she heard, "Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe out............"
Blondes To The Moon
At a press conference the Brunettes announce they are going to make a trip to the Moon. The Redheads speak up "That's been done before, we're going to go to Mars". The Blondes speak up "That's nothing, we're going to be the first people to go to the Sun". One of the reporters says "Don't you idiots know that you'll burn up?" The Blondes say "NO WE WON'T; WE'RE GOING TO GO AT NIGHT!"
Fallen bridge
A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.
She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
How many is a Brazilian?
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster announces that six Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident.
The blonde starts sobbing uncontrollably.
Confused, her husband says: "It is sad, but they were skydiving. There were risks involved."
"I know," the blonde says. "But how many is a Brazilian?"
Three moms
Three moms, a Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde, get together one afternoon.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
