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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (1201 to 1215)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 1201 to 1215. |
PAINTING THE PORCH
...PAINTING THE PORCH
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?" The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realise that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"
"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all the 'dumb blonde' joke emails we've been receiving."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Porshe.
Question and answer blond jokes
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
She was so blonde th
- she thought TuPac Shakur was a jewish holiday- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
- she thought a quarterback was a refund
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
- she tried to drown a fish
- she tripped over a cordless phone
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
- she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
- if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"... she put "Sagittarius"
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
- she studied for a blood test - and failed
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
- she sold the car for gas money
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
A man walks into a bar, ...
A man walks into a bar, holding his pet alligator by his side.
The man puts the alligator up on the bar, turns to the astonished patrons and says, "I'll make you all a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and put the family jewels in his mouth, then close it for one minute. I will then open the alligator's mouth and remove the family jewels unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. Is it a deal?"
The patrons approved.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and put the family jewels in the alligator's mouth.
As the crowd gasped, he then closed the alligator's mouth, waited a minute, then grabbed a beer bottle and waked the alligator on the head as hard as he could. The alligator immediately opened his mouth and the man removed the family jewels unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, applauded, and the first of his free drinks were delivered to him.
A few minutes after, the man stands up again and makes another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A hush fell over the patrons.
All of a sudden, a hand goes up. A drop dead gorgeous young blond says, "I'll give it a go, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
Blond Father
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"
A guy is stranded on a desert ...
A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, It's not a raft. Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!," he says.
She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow! That's fantasti Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that went down the >front of >her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"
And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?"
Blonde in a Snow Storm
A blonde got stuck in a snowstorm and started to panic.Then she remembered that her father had told her to wait for
a snow plow to come and plow the road in front of her if she
ever got stuck in a snowstorm. Then follow the plow to
safety. So she waited until a snow plow finally came, and she
followed it.
After about an hour and a half the guy driving the snow plow
stopped and asked the blonde what she was doing.
She told him what her father told her. He shrugged his
shoulders and said "Well, okay, I'm done with K-Mart's
parking lot, would you like to follow me to Sears?"
Heads or tails
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for heads, and no for tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Real "Personal ads" that...
Real "Personal ads" that have appeared in the Dublin News:
Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancée, seeks decent, honest, eligible woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.
Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.
This guy and a blonde are maki...
This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car.After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want to move to the back seat?"
She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?"
To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd be lonely back there!"
