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Blonde jokes - jokes about blondes (1216 to 1230)Jokes about blondes. These are funny jokes with blondes! These are the jokes listed 1216 to 1230. |
Brunette Meets Genie
A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
A blonde went into a world wid...
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: " I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees". She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead take it out....." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands... then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well... go ahead".
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, she said...
"HELLO MOM... CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
Blonde quickies 11
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Three women escape from ...
Three women escape from prison - a blonde and two brunettes - and to get away from the cops they hide in an abandoned farm house.
Inside the house there are three sacks that the escapees crawl into when the police search the building.
One of the cops sees the sacks and yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding".
The officer goes and kicks one with a brunette in it and she yells "MEEEYYOWW!"
The officer says "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there."
So he kicks the one with the other brunette in it and she yells "RUUFFF RUFFF!"
The officer says "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!"
Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells "POTATOES!"
A blonde and a brunette went i...
A blonde and a brunette went into a bar for a drink. They sat down just as the 6:00 news was being televised in the bar. They were showing a man getting ready to jump off a 20 story building.The blonde turned to the brunette and said: "I bet you $100 that he doesn't jump." "I'll take that bet," the brunette replied. At that moment he jumped. The blonde took $100 out of her wallet and handed it to the brunette.
I can't take your money, the brunette replied. "No, I insist. A bet is a bet and I want you to take it." The blonde said. "No, I honestly can not take it because I saw the 5 o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
The blonde replied, "No take the money because I also saw the 5 o'clock news but I didn't think he would jump twice."
A young blonde was on va...
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of the Northern Territory. She wanted a pair of genuine crocodile shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an crocodile.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. As he looks he sees a huge four-metre crocodile swimming quickly towards her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement as the blonde flips the crocodile on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A police officer stops a...
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licence. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you."
A Blonde was down on her luck....
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Blonde Medical Terminology
Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
Blonde Passenger
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes."Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they''ll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.
The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we''ll be up here all day."
A couple of blonde men in a pi...
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
