Dog jokes (46 to 60)Jokes about dogs. These are the jokes listed 46 to 60. |
30 Earth Day Jokes! Celebrate Earth Day of 2023
April 22nd is Earth Day! Take care of earth!
1. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green.
2. Why are people always tired on Earth Day?
Because they just finished a March.
3. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
4. Why is grass so dangerous?
Because it’s full of blades.
5. Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter.
6. How do you cut a wave in half?
Use a sea saw.
7. What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.
8. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
You crack me up!
9. What kind of shorts to clouds wear?
Thunderwear!
10. Why do tornadoes zigzag?
They’re dizzy.
11. Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
12. What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.
13. What kind of plant grow on your hand?
Palm tree.
14. What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You have to been careful not to step in a poodle.
15. What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber!
16. What’s the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth!
17. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
Leaf me alone!
18. Did you hear about the power plant that was bad for the environment all year?
He got coal for Christmas.
19. What did one lightening bolt say to the other??
You're truly shocking!
20. Mother to son: "You shouldn't always lounge around so lazily on the couch!"
Son: "I'm doing something for the environment — I'm saving energy!
21. What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber!
22. What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.
23. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
24. A climate scientist and a climate change denier walk into a bar.
The denier says, nice to see you.
The climate scientist says, nice to CO2.
25. If I ride my bike twice
… does that count as RE-CYCLING?
26. "I'm vegan, by the way," says a vegan. "Oh, probably out of your love for animals?" a friend replies. "No, out of plant hatred, pure plant hatred!"
27. Freedom for the gummy bears! Away with the plastic bags!
28. What kind of bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!
29. How do hurricanes see?
With one eye!
30. My teacher wanted me to come up with a set of steps that we could use to save the environment …
So I created an Al Gore-ithm.
Buying a newspaper
One day, a man's beloved dog passed away, leaving him heartbroken. His dog had been incredibly helpful, doing chores like washing dishes and running errands. Grieving, the man decided to find a new pet to fill the void.
At the pet store, he asked the manager if they had any animals that could perform tasks like his dog had. The manager looked around and said, "We don't have much, but there's this centipede."
Though skeptical, the man took the centipede home. To test its abilities, he asked it to fetch a beer from the fridge, and the centipede did so.
Next, he asked it to run a bath
It also accomplished.
Before getting into the bath, the man requested the centipede to go to the store and buy a newspaper. The centipede agreed. However, when the man emerged from the bath an hour later, he found the centipede at the bottom of the stairs, not having left for the store yet.
"Didn't I ask you to go to the store?" he questioned.
The centipede replied, "GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PUT MY SHOES ON!"
World Art Day Joke
Today is World Art Day! Find a joke about it!
What do you call someone hanging out by the wall?
Art.
Why couldn’t the man afford expensive art?
He had no Monet.
Why was the artist hauled to court?
To face the mosaic.
What is Salvador Dali’s favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
A bowl of surreal.
Which famous painting is always sad?
The Moaning Lisa.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
Because he didn’t have an ear for music.
What sound does a dog that’s really into art make?
He doesn’t bark. He bauhaus.
Why did the artist decide not to quit running?
He was on the home sketch.
What is it called when someone mislabels a color?
A false ac-hue-sation.
Why did the investor buy art?
For art appreciation.
#worldartday
Dog playing piano
It is World Piano Day!
A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog – he plays the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the man puts the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and then he plays some rock 'n' roll. The bartender and patrons are amazed.
Suddenly, a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the man, "What was that all about?"
The man replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."
The Designated Canine
While taking their dog on a road trip, a family carries his drinking water in a gin bottle. On one occasion they stopped for lunch and let him out of the car. Pouring some water from the bottle into his bowl, the husband noticed a man watching with fascination.
The man slowly approached the family and whispered, "I hope that you're not going to let that dog drive!"
Intensity of dog flatulence?
Intensity of dog flatulence? Why, that's measured by the Bowfart Wind Scale!Hanukkah Songs That Never Quite Caught On:
-Oy to the World
– Schlepping Through A Winter Wonderland
– Hava Negilah – The Megamix
– Bubbie Yetta Got Run Over By A Reindeer
– Enough With Those G** D**** Jingle Bells Already…Sheez!
– Matzo Man (By The Lower East Side Village People)
– I Have A Little Dreidel (The Barking Dog Version)
– Come On Baby, Light My Menorah
– Deck The Halls With Balls of Matzos
– Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky!
Muldoon Mourns his Mutt...
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish country side with only a pet dog for company. One day, the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and said, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?"Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya' tell me the dog was Catholic?"
The President And His Small Dog
The former President is disembarking his private plane, carrying his tiny dog.
One of his Secret Service men says, "Nice dog, sir."
The President says, "Thanks, I got it for the former First Lady."
The Secret Service man replies, "Nice trade, sir."
