Food jokes (151 to 165)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 151 to 165. |
14 Dad Jokes to prepare for Father's Day
Third Sunday of June is Father's Day in some countries! Get your jokes ready on time!
Thought I saw my first ever real life super hero today.
He was running down our street wearing a cape...
Turns out he hadn't paid for his haircut!
How many crime writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it has to have a really good twist at the end!
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky!
My wife called me and said, "I've found a dead bee in the sink, what do I do?"
I said, "Get a spoon and flush it down the toilet."
A few minutes later she said,
"I've done that, but what about the bee?"
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
I recently joined a support group for people who talk a lot.
We call ourselves On and On Anon.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
I yelled "Cow!" at a woman on a bike...
She gave me the finger. Then she ran into a cow.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What did the zero say to the eight?
That belt looks good on you.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They might crack up.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
"Hi, bud!"
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
23 short rabbit jokes and puns
What do you call a happy rabbit?
A hop-timist.
What is a rabbit’s favorite music?
Hip-hop.
What do you call a rabbit that’s raised indoors?
An in-grown hare.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What did the rabbit give his girlfriend?
A 14-carrot ring.
Where do rabbits work?
At IHOP.
How do you know a rabbit is in a good mood?
He’s hoppy.
How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.
What do you call a bunny transformer?
Hop-timus Prime.
Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.
How does the Easter bunny stay fit?
Eggsercise and hareobics.
Why did the bunnies go on strike?
Because they wanted a better celery.
What do you call 50 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What did the bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you.
A friend of mine stole a rabbit.
Then he had to make a run for it.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs
a friend who is all ears.
I used to own a rabbit,
but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year.
He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch.
But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
You must be the Easter Bunny,
because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
I know a bald chap who put a rabbit on his head.
He wanted a head of hare.
Got in a lift with an animal that looked a bit like a rabbit.
It was a hare-raising experience.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns.
They are not bunny anymore.
Monday is better when it starts with new Jokes
If "tomb" is pronounced "toom", "womb" is pronounced "woom" then shouldn't...
"bomb" be pronounced "BOOM".
I asked a pretty, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
When you go to church in the morning you say, "Amen." Cunninghams Law - "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong". Where do bad rainbows go? Which is faster, hot or cold? Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to all the aliens… It was a bleak day when we heard about the explosion down at the animal shelter…
But what is of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly slice cabbage and mayo.
Prism.
It's a light sentence.
Hot, because you can catch a cold
For hispanic attacks.
They are calling it Apollo G!
It was raining cats and dogs!
Gin Jokes - to celebrate World Gin Day
Second Saturday in June is World Gin Day. Celebrate it with short jokes
They say gin can damage your short-term memory.
If that's the case, just imagine what gin can do.
I love water -
especially when it's frozen in cubes and surrounded by gin.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar -
and orders a gin, and tonic.
I tried to say no to gin -
but it's 42.5% stronger than me
A true friend reaches for your hand …
and puts a glass of gin in it.
Charles Dickens: A martini please.
Bartender: Olive or twist?
A gorilla goes up to a bar and asks for a gin and tonic.
The bartender makes the G&T and says: "That'll be £20 - and I must say we don't get many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies: "With prices like that, I'm not surprised."
Woman: I love you.
Man: Is that you or the gin talking?
Woman: It's me talking to the gin.
Don't cry over spilt milk:
it could have been gin.
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin.
Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass
"Trust me you can dance."
- Gin
PLEASE DRINK GIN RESPONSIBLY.
Don't spill it.
Neutron: How much is a G&T?
Bartender: For you - no charge.
I'm on a gin and tonic diet:
I lost three days last week.
45 clean romantic Knock knock jokes
1. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you, and I can't wait to get to know you better!
2. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce go on a date and make some memories together!
3. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you want to go out with me?
4. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Amour.
Amour who?
Amour than happy to have met you!
5. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kiss.
Kiss who?
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
6. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sugar.
Sugar who?
Sugar, I'm falling for you!
7. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Charming.
Charming who?
Charming to meet you. Can I take you out for dinner?
8. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Berry.
Berry who?
Berry nice to meet you. Can I have your number?
9. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cupid.
Cupid who?
Cupid called. He wants his arrow back because I've fallen for you!
10. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fella.
Fella who?
Fella madly in love with you!
11. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda hang out with me this weekend?
12. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Romeo.
Romeo who?
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Just kidding, let's go out!
13. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apple.
Apple who?
Apple-ogize for taking up your time, but can I take you out?
14. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cuddle.
Cuddle who?
Cuddle me close, and let's have a fantastic time!
15. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Prince.
Prince who?
Prince Charming has finally arrived, and he's asking you out!
16. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo, who?
Don't cry, babe, it's just me!
17. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you, and I can't wait to hold you tight!
18. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce snuggle up and watch our favorite movie together!
19. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you know how much I love you?
20. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sweetie.
Sweetie who?
Sweetie, you make my heart skip a beat!
21. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sugar.
Sugar who?
Sugar, you're the sweetest thing in my life!
22. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Darling.
Darling who?
Darling, you light up my world!
23. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Berry.
Berry who?
Berry in love with you, my darling!
24. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cupid.
Cupid who?
Cupid struck me with love the moment I met you!
25. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Baby.
Baby who?
Baby, you complete me!
26. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Angel.
Angel who?
Angel, you're the one I've been waiting for!
27. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Juliet.
Juliet who?
Juliet, I can't stop thinking about you!
28. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apple.
Apple who?
Apple of my eye, you're the one for me!
29. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cuddle.
Cuddle who?
Cuddle me close, my love!
30. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Princess.
Princess who?
Princess, you're the queen of my heart!
31. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce cuddle up and create a cozy paradise of love!
32. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you, and I can't wait to explore a world of adventures with you!
33. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sugar.
Sugar who?
Sugar, you're my sweet addiction, and I can't get enough of you!
34. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Baby.
Baby who?
Baby, you light up my world like nobody else!
35. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Berry.
Berry who?
Berry lucky to have you by my side, my love!
36. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cupid.
Cupid who?
Cupid shot an arrow, and it struck my heart when I met you!
37. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mystery.
Mystery who?
Mystery deepens when I think of you, and I'm excited to uncover it together!
38. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Prince.
Prince who?
Prince Charming might be a fairy tale, but you're my real-life prince!
39. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Flirt.
Flirt who?
Flirt with me forever, and let's keep the spark alive!
40. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Angel.
Angel who?
Angel, you bring heaven into my life, and I'm grateful for every moment with you!
41. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Daisy.
Daisy who?
Daisy, you make me smile every day, and I'm so lucky to have you!
42. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Romeo.
Romeo who?
Romeo couldn't resist knocking on your heart, and I'm here to stay!
43. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Echo.
Echo who?
Echo, you've captured my heart, and your love echoes through my soul!
44. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sunshine.
Sunshine who?
Sunshine, you brighten up my world, and I'm forever grateful for you!
45. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dream.
Dream who?
Dream, you're the one I've been waiting for, and being with you is a dream come true!
Several food jokes, and few more
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you.
It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry?
Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party?
You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week...
and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?
The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese,
but I think that I may have greater problems.
12 pirate jokes
1. Why is pirating so addictive?
Because once you lose yer first hand, you get hooked!
2. Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they'll wash up on shore later.
3. How do you save a dying pirate?
You give him CPARRRRR.
4. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
5. Why do pirates suck at card games?
Because they always stand on the deck.
6. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.
7. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: "They're benign."
The pirate replies: "No, no, doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here."
8. Why'd the pirate go to the Apple store?
He needed a new iPatch!
9. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.
10. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.
11. What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs?
An expert.
12. What does a vegan pirate have on its shoulder?
A carrot!
Happy Monday! Check out new jokes!
I did my first nude painting yesterday.
The neighbors weren't happy but the front door looks great!
Man walks into an ancient Greek tailors with a pair of ripped trousers.
Tailor says, "Euripides?"
Man says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"
Her: It's ova.
Me: Why? Is it because I'm terrible at crosswords?
If I'm reading their lips correctly …
My neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
I married my wife for her looks.
Though not the ones she been giving me lately.
My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent.
So I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off.
English lesson…
Tsunami
T is silent
Psychology
P is silent
Knife
K is silent
Honest
H is silent
Wife
Husband is silent
Have a god Friday with short new jokes
I once went to a fancy dress party as a loaf of bread...
The birds were all over me.
I was at the doctors yesterday, and he said, "I'm afraid your results don't look too good."
"Why is that doctor?" I asked.
He said, "My printer has run out of ink!"
Did you hear about the constipated accountant...?
He couldn't budget..
So he worked it out with a pencil.
How do you get 100 math teachers into a room in which only 99 fit?
You carry the one.
A Mobius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.
The bartender asks, "What's wrong?"
The strip replies, "Where do I even begin?"
What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
Light blue.
I just passed my drug test...
My dealer has some explaining to do!
Jokes to Impress Girlfriend
What did the barista say to their crush?
I like you a latte.
If you were a phone from Apple, then you would be called iGorgeous.
Are you a parking ticket?
Because you've got fine written all over you.
You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop after I have been binge-watching Netflix.
What did one raspberry say to the other?
I love you berry much.
Is your name Wi-Fi?
Because I feel a connection.
What did the magnet say to the fridge?
You're attractive.
Can I borrow a kiss from you?
I promise you that I will give it back.
Wait! Before you cast those dreamy eyes on me, I want to get my maps and GPS ready.
Okay, go!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you stunning!
I believe in following my dreams.
Can I have your Instagram?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cheese.
Cheese who?
Cheese, you're awfully cute!
My therapist and I have been trying to figure out why I seem to have lost my mind.
Then I realized that it's all your fault.
I'm crazy for you.
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What did the calculator say to the pen?
You can always count on me!
Why did the Melons get married in a church?
Because they cantaloupe.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! Somebody call the cops because it's got to be illegal to look that good!
What did the squirrel say to its lover?
I'm nuts for you!
Now, what's on the menu?
Me-n-u
Why shouldn't you break up with a goalie?
Because they're a keeper.
What did the two prunes call their dinner plans?
A date.
Can I take a picture of you so Santa knows what I want for Christmas?
Do you have a name or can I just call you mine?
They say kissing is a love language.
Do you want to start a conversation?
You must be a banana because you're very a-peeling.
I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
Ouch! I must have scraped my knee falling for you.
Are you the sun?
Because my whole world revolves around you.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again?
I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.
[Sneeze as you walk by them] Oh no need to bless me.
God already did by putting you in my life.
Do I know you?
Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
Hey.
I'm an unemployed guy with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring, and a degree in kissing.
Do you have a job for me?
World Hypertension Day jokes
World Hypertension Day is observed every May 17th in order to raise awareness and promote hypertension prevention, detection and control. Raise awareness with these jokes.
Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?
He was taking everything with a grain of salt.
My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication
it was a tough pill to swallow
Russian health tips
-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness....
A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"
Travel jokes
We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
What happens when you wear a watch on a plane?
Time flies!
I wanted to make a joke about time travel,
but you guys didn’t like it.
Why don't aliens visit our planet?
It has terrible ratings. Just one star.
The food on the small aircraft wasn’t good…
it was a little plan
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.
The airline lost my luggage, so I sued them.
Unfortunately, I lost the case.
As I waited for my luggage at the airport, a man lifted my suitcase off the baggage carousel.
'Excuse me,' I shouted.
'That’s my suitcase.'
The man shot back defensively,
'Well, somebody took mine!'
My favourite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.
