Food jokes (181 to 195)Jokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 181 to 195. |
International Bat Appreciation Day Joke
Today is International Bat Appreciation Day! Find a joke about it!
What is a bats favorite TV show?
Love at first bite.
What does a vampire use to bake cakes?
Batter.
What’s printed in the newspapers when a vampire dies?
An obatuary.
What did the bat do when he didn’t know the answer to the teacher‘s question?
He winged it.
How does a bat say hi to her mum?
With a sound wave.
Why do bats live in caves?
Because they rock.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How do bats do the register at school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What animals are best at cricket?
Bats.
What do little bats eat?
Alpha-bat soup.
#internationalbatappreciationday
World Art Day Joke
Today is World Art Day! Find a joke about it!
What do you call someone hanging out by the wall?
Art.
Why couldn’t the man afford expensive art?
He had no Monet.
Why was the artist hauled to court?
To face the mosaic.
What is Salvador Dali’s favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
A bowl of surreal.
Which famous painting is always sad?
The Moaning Lisa.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
Because he didn’t have an ear for music.
What sound does a dog that’s really into art make?
He doesn’t bark. He bauhaus.
Why did the artist decide not to quit running?
He was on the home sketch.
What is it called when someone mislabels a color?
A false ac-hue-sation.
Why did the investor buy art?
For art appreciation.
#worldartday
Top 22 dad jokes, voted by kids
1. Why did the crab never share?
Because he’s shellfish.
2. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
3. What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil.
4. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
It’s a total rip-off!
5. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
6. I keep trying to lose weight...
but it keeps finding me.
7. What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear!
8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
9. You know what the loudest pet you can get is?
A trumpet.
10. Why can’t T-Rexs clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day...
but I couldn’t find any.
12. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
13. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Its very time-consuming.
14. What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
Royal tea.
15. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
16. How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
17. I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.
18. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
19. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
20. What do you call a small mother?
A minimum.
21.Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired
22.Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
Kissing Blarney Stone
A group of Americans were touring Ireland.
One woman in the group was constantly grumbling: The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group reached the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Kissing the Blarney Stone brings good luck all your life," the guide explained. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today, so no one can kiss it. Maybe we can return tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the cantankerous woman snapped. "We have another dull tour to attend. So, I guess we can't kiss that silly stone."
"Well," the guide replied, "it's said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll receive the same good fortune."
"I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the exasperated guide responded, "but I've sat on it."
Top 10 jokes from the latest Edinburgh Fringe comedy festival
1. Masai Graham:
I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta.
2. Mark Simmons:
Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery.
3. Olaf Falafel:
My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
4. Hannah Fairweather:
By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family.
5. Will Mars:
I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person.
6. Olaf Falafel:
I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back.
7. Richard Pulsford:
I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
8. Tim Vine:
I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
9. Sophie Duker:
Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
10. Will Duggan:
I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days.
Top ten jokes from the latest Edinburgh Fringe comedy festival
Top ten jokes from the latest Edinburgh Fringe comedy festival
1. Masai Graham:
I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta.
2. Mark Simmons:
Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery.
3. Olaf Falafel:
My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
4. Hannah Fairweather:
By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family.
5. Will Mars:
I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person.
6. Olaf Falafel:
I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back.
7. Richard Pulsford:
I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
8. Tim Vine:
I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
9. Sophie Duker:
Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
10. Will Duggan:
I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days.
Caramel Jokes
Today is National National Caramel Day (USA). Have a Caramel, or few!
My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel
She's a dominatwix
I like my women how I like my coffee.
Medium cold, French Vanilla and Caramel Swirl, Regular.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He took a sip of his venti caramel latte before it was cool
My next door neighbour is an ice cream man, he went missing and we eventually found him in the back of his van covered in sprinkles, caramel, crushed oreos, and chocolate flakes
Apparently he topped himself!
Carrot jokes
It is International Carrot Day! Have a carrot!
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Why did the carrot get an award?
Because it was outstanding in its field!
Why do carrots never start a fight?
Because they always turnip the beet!
What do you call a carrot that insults other vegetables?
A veggie-taunter!
ChatGPT jokes
Two ChatGPT models were talking.
One says:
"Did you hear the one about the computer that could finish sentences?
The other replies:
"Yeah, but I already knew what it was going to say."
ChatGPT goes to a restaurant and orders alphabet soup.
The waiter asks:
"Why alphabet soup?"
ChatGPT replies:
"I'm just trying to improve my vocabulary!"
How many ChatGPTs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it will come up with 100 different ways to tell you how it's done.
Preach A Good Sermon
The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.
Eating Out
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."
