Food jokes (31 to 45)

Corgi Jokes - to celebrate International Corgi Day

We celebrate International Corgi Day on June the 4th. Get involved in International Corgi Day, tell a Corgi Joke!

Q: Why are most corgi jokes such bad jokes?
A: Because they’re too short.

Q: What do you call a corgi that is overweight?
A: Low-fat

Q: Why do corgis react so violently when their food is touched?
A: Because they have a short fuse.

Q: What do you call a corgi owner who instructs his canine companion in dance?
A: A corgi-o-grapher.

Q: How do corgis unlock doors?
A: By using a Corg-key

Q: When it’s cold outside, what does a corgi wear?
A: The cordigan

Q: What do you call a dog from New Mexico?
A: An Albu-corgi.

Q: Why are corgis such excellent hunting companions?
A: They are in-corg-nito because concealment is not necessary.

Q: Why do corgis enjoy going to the mall?
A: Because they want their tail to come back.

Q: What occurs when a corgi is connected to a battery?
A: A short circuit occurs.

Q: If a corgi dresses up as one of the Avengers for Halloween, what would you call him?
A: One Thorgi.

Q: When other dogs eat their food, why do corgis grow aggressive?
A: Because they are short-tempered dogs.

Q: Why did the corgi sit in the shade on a hot day?
A: Because it didn’t want to be a “hot dog.”

Desperate after three bad months of sales at Kentucky Fried Chicken

The famous Colonel called up the Pope and asks him for a favor. "What can I do for you?" Said the Pope. The Colonel said, "Holy father, I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do that, I swear I will donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican." The Pope replied, "I am very sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and it isn't something I can just change the words for." So the Colonel, disappointed, hung up.

After another month of bad sales, the Colonel panicked, and called again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responded, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words." So the Colonel gave up again. After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel got desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican." The Pope replied, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope called together all of his bishops and said, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican." The bishops rejoiced at the news. Then one asked about the bad news. The Pope replied: "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."

Memorial Day jokes for 2024

Observed on the last Monday in May every year, Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States that honors and remembers those who have died while serving in the military.
Enjoy these light-hearted jokes to add some fun to your Memorial Day!

Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the barbecue?
He wanted to raise the steaks!

What do army guys say when they forget Memorial Day?
Ah, shoot!

What is your favorite Memorial Day tradition?
Spilling BBQ sauce on white pants.

Which day do Alzheimer's patients forget?
Memorial Day.

A small boy was staring at the names on a wall.
The pastor explained,
"They are those who died in the service."
The boy asked,
"The 9 o'clock service or the 11 o'clock?"

What's a cow's favorite Memorial Day activity?
Going to the moo-vies!

Why are there no knock-knock jokes on Memorial Day?
Because freedom rings!

Did you hear about the man who got his car's AC fixed after Memorial Day?
He came back singing "Freon isn't Free."

Why don't soldiers play hide and seek on Memorial Day?
Because good luck hiding when everyone's off duty!

What is the best Memorial Day Sales pitch?
To remember the millions of brave soldiers who died for our country, we're giving you 30% off on all corduroy pants and toaster ovens.

What's the favorite thing about Memorial Day for employees?
Saying to co-workers, "See you next Tuesday."

What do army guys read on Memorial Day?
Magazine.

On Memorial Day, the teacher asked the students, "Do you know why God created wars?"
Someone among students: To teach us, geography?!

How can you offend a close relative of a fallen soldier on Memorial Day?
Wish them "Happy Memorial Day."

Do you know that The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military?
Because they're USAF.

What fruit do soldiers hate?
The Pommegranade.

In the military, how do you refer to children?
Infantry.

A beautiful princess comes upon a frog...

A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."

Do I Look

A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" the wife asks.
"Do I look dumb in this shirt?" the husband replies.

A six-year-old boy asks his dad to take him to McDonald's...

A six-year-old boy asks his dad to take him to McDonald's, but the dad is not interested, so he says, 'Only if you can spell the name of the restaurant.' The boy tries but fails.
The next day, he asks again, 'Can we go to Burger King?' But once more, his dad asks him to spell the name before they go, and boy tries again without success.
On the third day, the boy comes home eagerly from school and says, 'Dad, can we eat out tonight, please? Can we go to KFC?'"
(original joke told to me by my 10 year old son)

Gym Problems

Why did the piece of cheese go to the gym?
To get shredded!

The Englishman

A British gentleman in the late 1800's was born to a poor family but through grit and determination begged, borrowed and stole his way to financial success. Always obsessed with climbing the social ladder he even courted then married a woman from a rich family. Through her family he was able to get into a very prestigious gentlemen's club where he could rub elbows with wealthiest of wealthy. He knew this was one of his best opportunities because for all his hustle he knew he wasn't what was considered "old money" and thus never able to rise higher than he was.

One night while at the club he overhears some gentleman talking. One tells a story of going on an African safari where he killed a lion, the head of which he had mounted and placed in his study. A second gentleman mentions a trip to the Yukon to investigate their gold prospecting operation and while there he downed a large elk whose antlers he mounted above the fireplace in his living room. A third gentleman tells a story about going to their estate in India where he killed a tiger from the back of an elephant and had it made into a rug he put in his bedroom.

Our British gentleman hears these stories and realizes that to keep up appearances he will need to take an excursion and down some sort of big game himself. So he makes arrangements, getting supplies and chartering a ship to Africa. Once arriving he finds a guide who speaks English and some other men to carry his belongings and they make their way into the dark jungle.

As they trek through the jungle, cutting down the heavy foliage with machetes, they begin to hear a sound in the distance. As the get further in the British gentleman begins to make out that it's the sound of drumming, and assumes that it's some local tribe having some sort of celebration, and as his companions don't seem concerned he assumes it's not something that will become an issue.

As they progress through the jungle and the day becomes late the drumming has increased in volume and intensity. After making camp and preparing their meals the Englishman is getting a bit nervous and asks the guide if the drumming is something they should be concerned with. The guide waves a hand and says "Not to worry. The only time to worry is if the drumming stops."

During the next day as they make their way through the jungle the drumming continues to intensify. By the time they make their camp on the second night the drumming has grown so loud that it's drowning out every other noise in the jungle. No birds, insects, nothing can be heard.

Very suddenly, the drumming stops, absolutely stone cold silence. The Englishman bolts up frantically grabbing the guide and asks "That's bad isn't it? You said the drumming stopping was bad!?"

The guide shakes his head and says "It's absolutely terrible. It means it's time for the accordion solo."

Translated joke... Hope I'm able to do it justice!

Translated joke... Hope I'm able to do it justice!

A not-so-bright man is talking to his friend, and the friend asks him, "How many pancakes can you eat on an empty stomach?". The man thinks, and says "4". The friend says, "you can only eat one!". Confused, the man asks his friend to explain, and the friend says, "Once you eat the first one, your stomach isn't empty any more!". The man chuckles at his friend's wit.

Later that day, at home, the man calls his wife and says "How many pancakes can you eat on an empty stomach?" The wife says "3". The man says, "Damn. If you'd said 4, I would have said something really funny!"

Fractured Dictionary, Part II

Baloney \\ba-lo’-ne\\: Where some hemlines fall.
Banquet \\bang’-kwit\\: Why the vocalist had no instrumentalists.
Bernadette \\burn’-a-det\\: The act of torching a mortgage.
Boomerang \\boo’-me-rang\\: What’s on top of the Ghost Cream Pie.

Ham Dinner

My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill.
"Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm that's worth at least $137,000."

Like Father Like Son

Miser to son: "Son, how much did it cost when you took your girlfriend to dinner yesterday?"
Son: "Dad, it was only $25.00."
Dad: "Oh, that’s not too bad."
Son: "It would've been more, but that was all the money she had on her."

2024 April Fools’ Day pranks - get your pranks up to date

AI prank
Ask something on about well-known person/celebrity a href="https://gemini.google.com" target="_blank">gemini.google.com or chat.openai.com or any other Chat Bot or AI tool.
Take Screenshot and then edit the name and put name of your friend instead and send it to a friend saying: “Look what ChatGPT (or Gemini or whatever…) has on you!”
They will for sure go and check themselves!

Juice pranks – fill glass with jelly instead of juice
Care for a drink?
When your family tries to take a sip of this juice, they'll find out it’s really Jell-O.

Parking prank
Fake parking ticket onto windshield is classic prank.

Some April Fools’ Day pranks get better with age!
Check these Classic April Fools’ Day pranks to make this one of the best April Fools’ Days ever!

Delivery prank
Save the delivery boxes for a few weeks and then on April 1 set them all out by the front door.

Fake Remote Batteries
Replace your remote batteries with fake or dead batteries.
The person using the remote while watching television won't be able to change the channel.
You can sit and laugh at them while they are struggling to fix the remote.

Cookie monster
Unscrew several Oreo cookies and replace the filling with toothpaste.
Sandwich the cookies back together and serve with milk to make it look like a totally normal snack.

Put an air horn behind a door prank
Put an air horn behind a door, then run for cover when someone opens it.

I'm Moving Away Prank
Ideally, take a photo of new neighbor moving in/out so the truck is visible and your neighborhood recognizable on the photo.
If you can't find photo in your neighborhood, just find stock photo of Full-Service Movers so only truck and workers are visible, but not surrounding. Share photo to let your friends know you are moving out.

Need more April Fools’ Day pranks?
Check older April Fools’ Day pranks, they are still good today!

Wool in shoes prank
Stuff someone’s shoes with cotton wool.
They will be so confused when they don’t fit anymore!

Veggies for breakfast prank
Play with quirky twist on breakfast by substituting veggies for the expected doughnuts. Purchase a box from your nearby doughnut shop, but discreetly empty it of its contents before returning home.
Instead, fill it with nutritious options like carrots, celery, and broccoli, then seal it and place it on the table.
Watch as your family anticipates indulging in doughnuts for breakfast, only to discover a pleasant surprise of fresh salad ingredients.
This clever swap can also bring a healthy touch to your workplace when left in the communal kitchen area.

Pretend it’s someone’s birthday when it’s not prank
Then get everyone to sing Happy Birthday to them, and watch the embarrassment unfold.

Good Candy

Boy 1: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?"
Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy."
Boy 1: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."
Boy 2: "It will if it's your big brother's candy!"

Friday Funnies: 11 Jokes to Start Your Weekend Right

Did you know that the Icelandic alphabet does not contain the letter Z…
How do they sleep at night?

I was surprised to learn I weigh zero milligrams.
I was like 0mg!

I was annoyed when my wife gave me a coffin for my birthday.
I said, “this is the last thing that I need.“

Went to the beach and fed the birds cannabis laced cake. They seemed to like it…
I left no tern unstoned!

A spider asked a human, "Why are you afraid of me?"
Human: "Well, all the reasons I had have been replaced by the fact that you can talk."

Just saw three people jogging outside my window, and it inspired me...
To get up and close the curtains. That's enough interaction with people today!

If I had to rate our solar system
I'd give it one star

There are 2 words that have opened a lot of doors for me in my life. ..
Push and Pull!

Me: "Dad, do you know where I can get a Greek sandwich?"
Dad: "I don't know. Let me look through my gyroscope."

I have a lot of respect for giraffes.
They're an animal you can really look up to.

The boss looks over the gentleman's resume and says "Wow, I'm impressed.
It seems like you've got everything needed for the job.
But there's a 4 year gap in here.
What happened there?"
The gentleman responds
"Oh, that's when I went to Yale."
The boss is now super impressed and hires the man on the spot
. The man immediately calls his wife
. "Hey honey, I got the yob!"