Lawyer jokes - jokes about lawyers (1 to 10)Jokes about lawyer. These are funny jokes with lawyers! These are the jokes listed 1 to 10.
5 short jokes for great Friday
I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage.
He lost the case.
Vegetarians think eating animals is immoral
But eating mushrooms is morel
How do you make an eggroll?
You push it!
What day do eggs hate the most?
How do eggs run so fast?
They’re afraid of being beaten
Retainer Day jokes
International Retainer Day falls on July 19 every year. This day challenges you to commit to your beautiful smile by keeping your retainer on after dental treatment. Use these jokes to smile all day long!
This lawyer has a $70,000 retainer...
He must care a lot about his teeth!
… but now they’ve put me on a retainer.
My dentist said I need braces, but I needed to pay something upfront.
So I asked him "wait, do I need braces or a retainer?"
How do dentists pay for their lawyers?
What type of bear has no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Why did the FBI raid the dentist’s office?
To perform a cavity search.
Why should you be kind to your dentist?
Because they have fill-ings too!
Why did the smartphone go to the dentist?
It had a Bluetooth.
Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling!
What does an orthodontist do on a roller coaster?
She braces herself.
My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”
I told him I drink it.
Patient: How much does it cost to have a tooth pulled?
Patient: All that for only a few minutes of work? That’s expensive.
Dentist: Don’t worry, I can pull it out slower if you’d like.
Until it came out in conversation,
no one knew she had a dental implant.
17 July is Day of International Criminal Justice. Raise awareness, and laugh with some jokes!
Justice is a dish best served cold because...
...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.
I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What’s the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What’s the good news?"
"Your cholesterol level is good."
Attorney: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Attorney: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
23 'What do you call' Jokes to start week with some laugh
1. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic
3. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
4. What do you call a cow with no legs?
5. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
6. What do you call a dinosaur with a bandage on?
7. What do you call an old snowman?
8. What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?
9. What do you call a woman with a screwdriver in one hand, a knife in the other, a pair of scissors between the toes on her left foot, and a corkscrew between the toes on her right foot?
A Swiss Army wife
10. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
11. What do you call the wife of a hippie?
12. What do you call a meditating wolf?
13. What do you call an American bee?
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
15. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
16. What do you call a destroyed angle?
17. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
18. What do you call the security guards who work for Samsung?
The Guardians of the Galaxy
19. What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
20. What do you call a woman with her briefcase stuck in a tree?
A branch manager!
21. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
22. What do you call a man wearing a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time!
23. What do you call your daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her home late?
38 Rock jokes to celebrate International Rock Day
International Rock Day, celebrated on July 13 every year, is all about paying tribute to rocks. Have some fun with jokes that Rock!
What do you call it when two carbons are in a relationship?
Why were the rock couple breaking up?
Because they took each other for granite.
Why did the rock couple break up?
Because they couldn't comet to each other.
My wife told me she is thinking about selling Egyptian rocks.
It sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
What do you call a criminal rock?
Scum of the Earth.
Why did the rock decide to hit the gym?
Because he wanted to be bigger and boulder.
Where do the posh stones live?
Why did the rock sleep all day?
He was a bedrock.
How did the rock feel about going to jail?
He was petrified.
How did the rock feel when he got covered in algae?
He was lichen it.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why did the rock shower every morning?
He wanted to start with a clean slate.
What did the stone want to be when it grew up?
A rock star.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Why was the rock unprogressive?
Because it was stuck in the Stonehenge.
Why was the rock hesitant to start his work?
Because he was stuck in corundum.
What did the rock do when it rolled down the road?
It rock 'n' rolled.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs.
Who is a geologist’s favorite comedian?
What is a geologist’s favorite treat?
Why did the rock take English lessons?
To help it talk boulder.
What did the rock order at the bar?
Soda on the rocks.
Did you hear about the drunk geologist?
He finally hit rock bottom.
Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing?
Why was the criminal rock acquitted?
Because his alibi was rock solid.
What is a geologist’s favorite type of music?
Which magazine do rocks subscribe to?
The Rolling Stone.
Why didn’t the stone get back together with the rock?
He had too many faults.
What did Ariel say when she met the rock pool?
You have nice mussels.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
What is rock's favorite fruit?
Why do hipsters like rocks?
Where do you take an injured rock?
To the Rocktor.
Why did the judge find the rock guilty?
The lawyers had concrete evidence.
How do stones get to outer space?
What kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean?
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What did the young rock say about failing his tests?
I don't want to talc about it.
Funny video of the day - A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher...
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is?
The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the Godfather: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'. The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again'! The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him'! The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens'!
The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say'? The attorney replies: 'He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger'.