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Mother jokes (16 to 30)

Jokes about mothers. These are the jokes listed 16 to 30.

International Kissing Day Jokes

July 6th is International Kissing Day! Find out some jokes about it!

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and be glad that you're alive?
Apparently, I did and won’t be allowed on Hawaiian Airlines again...

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open! (It's not related to kissing but it's hard to tell a joke about kissing that isn't a pun!);

He said he would kiss me or die in the attempt.
Well?
He has no life-insurance, and I pitied his poor old mother.

The problem with kissing a perfect 10
… is how cold the mirror feels on your lips

#joke #mother
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

International Joke Day Jokes

International Joke Day, celebrated on July 1 every year, is an occasion to crack a joke or two with your friends and family.

Find funny short jokes here!

1. Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
Because she was outstanding in her field.

2. How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see their wheels turning.

3. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7,8,9.

4. What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
The staircase.

5. What kind of shoes do frogs love?
Open-toad!

6. How did the baby tell his mom he had a wet diaper?
He sent her a pee-mail.

7. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.

8. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

9. Why do ducks always pay with cash?
Because they always have bills!

10. How did Benjamin Franklin feel holding his kite when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!

11. Which superhero hits home runs?
Batman!

12. What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone?
Snapchat.

13. Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East. What is the name of the fourth child?
Sandy, obviously!

14. What is a room with no walls?
A mushroom.

15. Why did the blue jay get in trouble at school?
For tweeting on a test!

16. What social events do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.

17. What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it.

18. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.

19. Why is a football stadium always cold?
It has lots of fans!

20. What did one math book say to the other?
“I’ve got so many problems.”

21. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot!

22. What do you call two bananas on the floor?
Slippers.

23. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

24. Why do ducks have feathers on their tails?
To cover their butt quacks.

25. How does a vampire start a letter?
“Tomb it may concern…”

26. A plane crashed in the jungle and every single person died. Who survived?
Married couples.

27. What kind of math do birds love?
Owl-gebra!

28. Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.

29. What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.

30. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.

31. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.

32. How much did the man sell his dead batteries for?
Nothing, they were free of charge!

#joke #animal #bird #frog #chicken #owl #fruit #banana #coconut #food #lunch #sport #football #mother #mom
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Scared Dad

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (15)

Another 14 Dad jokes, be ready for Father's Day

Get your Dad jokes ready on time! Third Sunday of June is Father's Day, have fun with these!

1. Scientists say that one day, it may be possible to live on Mars.
I tried it for a month, gained nearly 3 stone in weight and developed type 2 diabetes!

2. I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
I could really see myself doing it.

3. What did the kid Pirate say to the Mom Pirate?
Arrrn’t you glad you met Dad?

4. How do astronomers organise a party?
They planet!

5. I made a soup entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere…
It was a broth of fresh air!

6. When does a regular joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.

7. It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.
But now I can look back and laugh.

8. Anyone remember that chiropractor joke I shared?
It was about a weak back.

9. I recently visited the "World's Tiniest Wind Turbine" exhibit.
Honestly, not a big fan.

10. I can’t bring my dog to the pond anymore. The ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that’s what I get for getting a pure bread dog.

11. I only seem to get sick on weekdays.
I must have a weekend immune system.

12. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.

13. Hey, Dad, did you get a haircut?
Nope, I got them all cut

14. Where do pigs like to relax?
In hammocks

#joke #animal #dog #pig #food #bread #soup #broth #mother #mom #father
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

That's What It Stands For

Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”
Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”
Son: “Well, isn't that what M-O-M stands for?”

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

It Belonged To Adam

Six-year-old Ned's mother was looking through an old family Bible when an oak leaf fell out.
Ned said, "That must be Adam's."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Letter to a Nosey Mom

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and for his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit, so you can know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk's drawer...I love you!  

#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (17)

Family Avengers

What do you call it when your mother's sisters all gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil Aunties

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

17 Kangaroo jokes to celebrate Hug an Australian Day

What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits

What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”

What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo

What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper

What kind of music do kangaroos listen to?
Hip-hop

What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera

What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch

What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia

A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar...
It’s a normal day in Australia

A kangaroo is hopping around Australia

Whenever she stops, a little penguin pokes his head out of her pouch

In Antarctica, a little kangaroo is sitting with some penguins, sneezing and grumbling, “Stupid student exchange program

” A kangaroo, a dolphin, and a snake walk into a bar...
That’s all

It’s funny since none of them actually walk

Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids! 9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh...
nevermind

#joke #animal #snake #sheep #kangaroo #penguin #dolphin #elephant #mother
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

30 Earth Day Jokes! Celebrate Earth Day of 2023

April 22nd is Earth Day! Take care of earth! Earth Day of 2023, find event and join!

1. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green.

2. Why are people always tired on Earth Day?
Because they just finished a March.

3. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
It waves.

4. Why is grass so dangerous?
Because it’s full of blades.

5. Why did the sun go to school?
To get brighter.

6. How do you cut a wave in half?
Use a sea saw.

7. What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.

8. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
You crack me up!

9. What kind of shorts to clouds wear?
Thunderwear!

10. Why do tornadoes zigzag?
They’re dizzy.

11. Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.

12. What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.

13. What kind of plant grow on your hand?
Palm tree.

14. What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You have to been careful not to step in a poodle.

15. What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber!

16. What’s the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth!

17. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
Leaf me alone!

18. Did you hear about the power plant that was bad for the environment all year?
He got coal for Christmas.

19. What did one lightening bolt say to the other??
You're truly shocking!

20. Mother to son: "You shouldn't always lounge around so lazily on the couch!"
Son: "I'm doing something for the environment — I'm saving energy!

21. What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber!

22. What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.

23. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?
It waves.

24. A climate scientist and a climate change denier walk into a bar.
The denier says, nice to see you.
The climate scientist says, nice to CO2.

25. If I ride my bike twice
… does that count as RE-CYCLING?

26. "I'm vegan, by the way," says a vegan. "Oh, probably out of your love for animals?" a friend replies. "No, out of plant hatred, pure plant hatred!"

27. Freedom for the gummy bears! Away with the plastic bags!

28. What kind of bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!

29. How do hurricanes see?
With one eye!

30. My teacher wanted me to come up with a set of steps that we could use to save the environment …
So I created an Al Gore-ithm.

#joke #doctor #christmas #animal #cat #dog #bear #poodle #sport #swimming #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Right baby

A Brit, a Welsh fellow, and a Pakistani gentleman were seated in the waiting area of a local hospital's maternity ward.


A nurse appears and informs the men, "Apologies, but we have encountered a mix-up, and we're unsure which baby belongs to which mother. Could any of you assist in figuring this out?"


The British man rises to the occasion and offers his help. He enters the ward and, after a short while, emerges holding a baby who is clearly of Pakistani descent. The Pakistani man stands up, exclaiming, "What do you think you're doing?!"


To which the British man replies, "Look, one of those babies is Welsh, I'm not taking any chances!"

#joke #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Top 22 dad jokes, voted by kids

1. Why did the crab never share?
Because he’s shellfish.

2. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!

3. What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil.

4. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
It’s a total rip-off!

5. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.

6. I keep trying to lose weight...
but it keeps finding me.

7. What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear!

8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.

9. You know what the loudest pet you can get is?
A trumpet.

10. Why can’t T-Rexs clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day...
but I couldn’t find any.

12. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.

13. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Its very time-consuming.

14. What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
Royal tea.

15. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!

16. How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.

17. I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.

18. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.

19. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.

20. What do you call a small mother?
A minimum.

21.Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired

22.Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.

#joke #animal #bear #pet #elephant #food #salad #tomato #butter #drinks #tea #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Dog playing piano

It is World Piano Day!

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog – he plays the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the man puts the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and then he plays some rock 'n' roll. The bartender and patrons are amazed.
Suddenly, a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the man, "What was that all about?"
The man replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar #animal #dog #mother
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Grandma's Revenge

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."      

#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Trying to Please Mama

The first woman was elected U.S. president. She called her mom to make sure she was coming to the inauguration. "I don’t know, dear. What would I wear?”"Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll send a designer to help you.”"But you know I need special foods for my diet.”"Mom, I’m going to the president. I can get you the food you need.”"But how will I get there?”"I’ll send a limo, Mom. Just come!”"OK, OK, if it makes you happy.”The great day came, and Mama was seated with the future cabinet members. She nudged the man on her right. “See that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible? Her brother’s a doctor!”
#joke #doctor #food #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

Jokes Archive

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