Mother jokes (196 to 210)Jokes about mothers. These are the jokes listed 196 to 210. |
A fourth-grader came into the
A fourth-grader came into the school office and told the secretary that she had missed her bus, Bus 6.After checking schedules with the teacher on bus duty, the secretary confirmed that the girl did indeed miss her bus. "But don't worry," she told the child. "We'll call your mother."
"No, you won't," the girl calmly replied. "She's driving Bus 6."
Dead Father
**THIS IS NOT A TRUE STORY****One night, when I was a little girl, I had a terrible nightmare that a crow came to me and told me that my aunt was going to drop dead the next day. I ran to my parentâs room and told my dad what happened. He calmed me down and told me it was OK. The next day, my mother received a call that my aunt had just dropped dead. That night, I had another dream that the crow came to me and told me that my father was going to die!!! I sprinted down the hall to my parentâs room and told my dad what had happened. He once again calmed me down and said it was going to be ok. But the next morning when he left for work, he was so distraught. The whole day, he thought that every step he took was his last. He came home that night and sat with my mother at the dinner table and said, "I had the most horrible day today." My mother then relied, "You think YOU had a bad day??? I had the Milkman drop dead on the porch!!!!!"Little Johnny wanted to go to
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him."So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
Monkey has grown hair
An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs. she got worried and asked her mummy about the hair.
Her mom calmly said, "That part where hair has grown is called a monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair."
Next morning at breakfast she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."
Her sister smiled and said, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
Funny Facts
1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love... but you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
The wise old Mother Superior f
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die".
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow".
Good bye, Mom
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store,
it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout and, as she was on her way out of the store,
the man called out, "Good-bye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day,he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"That can't be right... I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Bet you thought this was going to be a tearjerker. Don't trust little old ladies!
That's One Way to Order Chicken
Kofi walks in to a restaurant and wants to order chicken. Unfortunately, English is not his first language and he can't remember how to say chicken in English.
Kofi sees the guy at the table next to him with a plate with 4 boiled eggs on it.
Kofi points to the plate of eggs and says to the waiter, “I want their mother!"
Broke student
A college freshman called up his mother and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His mother said,
"Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your
calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago.
Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the student.
So his mom wrapped up the book and mailed it. Dad asked,
"Well how much did you give him?"
"Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $500."
"That's $520!" said dad, "Are you crazy?"
"Don't worry honey," mom said. "I taped the $20 check to the
cover of his book, but I put the $500 one somewhere in ...
chapter 19!
Found on https://vk.com/notes15935520, posted by Liana Parhanita, on 4 Mar 2010
I Get No Respect 06
"My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
"My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD."
"I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once... Doctor...every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me? He said..I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"
"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."
"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie."
"My dentist has bad breath......Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings."
"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...he said... Alright...you're ugly too!"
"I was so ugly...my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!"
