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Short jokes - funny one liners (5161 to 5200)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 5161 to 5200. |
People say that there is no di...
People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. I say there is...Marry the right person, and you’re COMPLETE.
Marry the wrong person, and you’re FINISHED.
Why Little Johnny Cried
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny cried all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him what was wrong and finally, the boy sobbed, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”
Answering Machine Message 183
Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ... BEEP
The overweight paint...
“The overweight painter could not lose weight despite years of exposure to thinners.”
A mime was arrested and put in
A mime was arrested and put into an invisible cell at the police station.They figured if he can't get out of an invisible box on a stage, an invisible prison cell would be twice as difficult.
Of all my books, my...
“Of all my books, my favorite is the one I received last Christmas. There is no tome like the present.”
My husband and I both work, so
My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot. Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.
She looked at me bewildered and replied, "But I didn’t order milk."
Two guys walking down the stre...
Two guys walking down the street talking. One says to the other, "I wish I had a million dollars."The second guy says, "Oh, I'm working on my second million."
"Really?" asked the first guy, surprised.
"Yea, I gave up on the first million, didn't quite work out."
The warehouse smelled like an
The warehouse smelled like an olfactory.I hired a zombie to...
“I hired a zombie to do some work around my house. He is the working dead.”
Translating billboards is a di
Translating billboards is a difficult a sign meant.I understand how gem...
“I understand how gems were made. The concept is crystal clear to me.”
Don't fondle anyone insi
Don't fondle anyone inside a courtroom. That's perv jury.Answering Machine Message 227
(Aussie accent:) Hi, how 'ya goin', listen, I'm not here, but I tell ya what, this anserin' machine is so clever, I kid you not, if you don't leave a message -- it'll ring 'ya back and ask for one! Bye.
Deciding what Christ...
“Deciding what Christmas gifts to give makes one present tense.”
Forever Friends
On New Year's Eve, Patty stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted everyone to be standing next to the one person who made their life worth living.
As the clock struck 12, chaos erupted as the bartender was almost crushed to death.
When you give people lethal pr
When you give people lethal prescription painkillers you in fentanyl ize them.When the musician go...
“When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed. The accident was a Fender bender.”
A six-year-old boy called his...
A six-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. "But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."
I can't go to Chinese re
I can't go to Chinese restaurants alone. I have supper Asian anxiety.Doctor Doctor
doctor doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the trashDONT TALK RUBBISH
doctor doctor everyone thinks im a liar
ARE YOU LYING
doctor doctor i just swallowed a roll of film
WELL LETS HOPE NOTHING DEVELOPS
doctor doctor i keep thinking im a butterfly
WILL YOU SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND STOP FLITTING ABOUT
Hemingway was fascinated by ag...
Hemingway was fascinated by aging popes. That why he wrote Old Man in the See. A Good Homily
Q: How long should a good homily be? A: It should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to keep you interested.
Windows frozen, won't open.
Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
What do you call an Arab bodybuilder?
What do you call an Arab bodybuilder?
A protein sheikh.
Mike Lawrence: Angel's Mouth
My mom wants to manage my comedy career now and I was like, 'Alright mom, why don't you give me some notes?' And one of her notes was, 'You should smile more, you have an angel's mouth.' I feel I should manage my mom in helping her write pickup lines for pedophiles in the wooing phase.
I hate used car dealers. They
I hate used car dealers. They can be so over sell us.I'm going to give you some money...
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
