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Short jokes - funny one liners (5441 to 5480)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 5441 to 5480. |
“I will tell you a pu
“I will tell you a pun about floating but I'm sorry it wouldn't go down too well.”
A telephone rang. "Hello! Is y
A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?""Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank goodness! Could you call 9-1-1 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
A man went into a restaurant a...
A man went into a restaurant and asked for crab. When the waiter brought it, the man objected, "Just a minute, that crab only has one claw!""Yes, said the waiter, it was in a fight."
"Well," said the man, "Bring me the winner!"
"Can you explain to me how thi
"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered."No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."
“I moved onto a boat
“I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail.”
Are Caterpillars Good To Eat?
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?
Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.
“A teacher harshly co
“A teacher harshly corrected a student on a math problem. I guess he got schooled.”
The Biology Song 07
Away in a Test Tube
(Melody: "Away in a Manger")
Away in a test tube
My plague cultures grow
On nutrient agar
Mankind's greatest foe
It's easy to grow them
If one does it right
At thirty-five Celsius
All day and all night
Once they are ready
You can let them go
To sicken the masses
With pus-filled buboes.
My sister was tellin...
“My sister was telling me about our cousin. I have to say, he sounds familia.”
The newly rich couple were hav
The newly rich couple were having trouble adjusting to life in their mansion. After the first dinner there, the husband asked his wife, "Shall we have coffee in the library?""Too late," she replied. "The library closes at five."
Answering Machine Message 174
(To annoy a friend record this as his message, and he will have keypad music as messages:) Hello, you have reached Dave. Please enter your four digit PIN at the tone.
The inventor of pantyhose...
“The inventor of pantyhose really left us quite a legacy.”
Answering Machine Message 129
Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
A man approached a local in a
A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. "What's the quickest way to New York?"The local scratched his head. "Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving."
"That's the quickest way."
“A matchmaker makes m
“A matchmaker makes matches in order to find you the light of your life.”
“How did the Dermatol
“How did the Dermatologist and the Dentist afford their new mansion? By the skin of their teeth.”
“Ralph was kicked off
“Ralph was kicked off the skydiving team because he couldn't chute straight.”
Coach: We have a great team th
Coach: We have a great team this year. So far we have had no losses, no draws and no goals scored against us.Reporter: How many games have you played?
Coach: The first one is next Sunday.
Marry A Lawyer
A doctor told her patient that his test results indicated that he had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "Isn't there anything I can do?", pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
“Wounds heal better i
“Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.”
FOR SALE BY OWNER
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
“They are showing 'T
“They are showing 'The Green Mile' at the big house today. It's a conflict.”
There's trouble with the car...
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."
I must have a rais...
"I must have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me." "Really?" the boss asked. "What other companies are after you?"
"The gas company, the telephone company, and the electricity company," the man replied.
Be silly. Be fun. Be different. Be crazy. Be you
Be silly. Be fun. Be different. Be crazy. Be you, because life is too short to be anything but happy. Hot Air Balloon
An Australian, an Asian and a New Zealander are in a Hot air balloon and had to chuck away something cuz of the weight. the australian chucks away his capone hat, the asian throws away a chicken wing and the New Zealand throws out the Asian and said "We have heaps of asians in New Zealand".Send in help
A guy calls the hospital and a nurse answers the phone.
The guy said, "Send in help because my wife is going into labor."
The nurse said, "Is this her first child?"
The guy replied, "No, this is her husband."
