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Short jokes - funny one liners (7561 to 7600)

Short jokes - funny one liners (7561 to 7600)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 7561 to 7600.

Angelic Love

A man tells his friend, "My wife is an angel."

His friend replies, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Insomnia cures are so common;

Insomnia cures are so common; they're a dime a dozin'.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The young couple is on their h

The young couple is on their honeymoon. After a few hours of exhausting great sex he says, "Now you won't see me for a while."
"We're on our honeymoon!" she exclaims. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Nowhere, Sweetie," he says. "Please turn over."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Yo momma's so fat, she got ba

Yo momma's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A man comes home from a night...

A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.65/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (17)

Upset to find himself in deep

Upset to find himself in deep water, the sea captain became can't anchor us.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Drinking jacket...

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a formal party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, Darling?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

"Why are you so excited?" the

"Why are you so excited?" the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized.
"But doc, this is my first operation."
"Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all."
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

“Despite pressure to

“Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Oops Banana

Q: What do you call two banana peels?

A: A pair of slippers.

#joke #short #fruit #banana
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Returning to West Point late o

Returning to West Point late one night, Colonel Schultz and his wife were challenged by the sentry at the gate.
“Halt and identify yourself!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” declared the startled woman.
The sentry stepped aside. “Advance, Holy Family, to be recognized.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Beethoven's flatulence g

Beethoven's flatulence gave him great pleasure. So he penned Odour to Joy.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

“Eating oysters can h

“Eating oysters can help you increase your mussel tone.”

#joke #short #food #oysters #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Baseball Field

Q: What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?

A: The fence.

#joke #short #sport #baseball
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Lunch money

According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch.

So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money.

--Jay Leno

#joke #short #food #lunch
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

I went to a horticultural conf

I went to a horticultural conference and they said ‘Please be seeded.'
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

A Jewish Dilemma

Q: Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?
A: Free ham.
#joke #short #food #ham
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A drunk driver is stopped for...

A drunk driver is stopped for heading the wrong way on a one-way street.
The police officer asked the driver, "Didn't you see the arrows?"
The drunk responds, "Arrows? I couldn't even see the Indians."
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

“I need Gestalt reaso

“I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Five Years

Q: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

A: "I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

A man got hit in the head with

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
#joke #short #drinks #coke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Drinking caffeine late at nigh

Drinking caffeine late at night could impregnate you! By artificial insomniation.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Customer: Waiter, is this supp

Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea?
Waiter: What does it taste like?
Customer: It tastes like gasoline!
Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes like turpentine.
#joke #short #drinks #coffee #tea
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

“You heard about drug

“You heard about drug dealers being interrogated by the police? They do crack.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Q: What do you call 10 blondes

Q: What do you call 10 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes!
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Q: What do you call a line of

Q: What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A: A receding hairline!
#joke #short #animal #rabbit
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

How do you cut a diamond? With

How do you cut a diamond? With a karat-y chop.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“Sponges are easy pre

“Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Yo mama so poor her front door

Yo mama so poor her front door and back door are on the same hinges.
#joke #short #yomama
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Black, White, Black

Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?

A: A nun falling down stairs.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Officer to driver going the wr

Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"
Driver: - "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Drunken hunchbacks are in a pe

Drunken hunchbacks are in a perpetual stooper.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Calling It a Day

God: "Whew, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on earth."
Angel: "Oh yeah? What are you going to do now?"
God: "I think I'll call it a day."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

What you watching that for?

The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.
I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, ........"You watch porn!!."
Hat Tip: Thomas Ben

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

Clinton Soup

One of the nation's largest soup manufacturers announced

today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week

with their newest soup creation, "Clinton Soup", that will

honor one of the nation's most distinguished men.

It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water.

#joke #short #food #soup
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Who was the dirtiest mobster?

Who was the dirtiest mobster? Tony Soap ran out.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Letter to God

A Sunday school teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring back their letter the following Sunday.
One little boy wrote, “Dear God, We had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been here.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A woman came to her doctor in a panic....

A woman came to her doctor in a panic.

"Doctor, all day long my daughter eats yeast and car wax, and won't get out of bed! What will happen to her?"

"Don't worry," said the Doctor, "eventually she will rise and shine."

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Balance Check

Q: What happened when the man asked the bank teller to check his balance?
A: She pushed him over.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Even Darwin believes (now)."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Jokes Archive

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