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Short jokes - funny one liners (881 to 920)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 881 to 920. |
Don't hang around musici
Don't hang around musicians. They're either cymbal-minded lyres or drum-soaked sax maniacs.Acts of violinsron
Acts of violins are committed by in fiddles.Well, He Wanted to Know
After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back."
Sex Before Marriage
Sex before marriage is considered a sin...
Sex after marriage is considered a miracle!
Hear about the cannibal who ki
Hear about the cannibal who kidnapped the octuplets?Our Theme Song
"A-A-R-P, I wanna join the A-A-R-P..."
"Hey Joe, what's that you're singing?"
"I'm one of the Retirement Village People, and I'm practicing for our upcoming concert!"
Why does rubbing your hair wit
Why does rubbing your hair with vinegar give you head lice?I want a job at Canada Goose.
I want a job at Canada Goose. Guess I'll have to learn coating.
Although they are annoying, do
Although they are annoying, don't swat away the pigeons. They might get depressed, and commit shoo-aside.I don't believe in vacci
I don't believe in vaccines. I guess I'm measley confused.The Conscientious Ransomer
I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...
I sent them my pay stub...
Not only did they immediately remove the malware from my system, but they also put some money into my account.
Opinionated Ex
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was a bad lover...
You should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Keep Andrew Carnegie away from
Keep Andrew Carnegie away from your fridge! He is a steal magnet.The President And His Small Dog
The former President is disembarking his private plane, carrying his tiny dog.
One of his Secret Service men says, "Nice dog, sir."
The President says, "Thanks, I got it for the former First Lady."
The Secret Service man replies, "Nice trade, sir."
Heart Chaser
The pretty lady at the DMV recommended to me that I sign up to be an organ donor....
That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart!
My Cheating Letters
My girlfriend is furious with me because she found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble at all.
The Quick Reply
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Well, because class started before I got here.
Never practice! Anybody who pr
Never practice! Anybody who practices anything is guilty of grows in competence.A Pillow Fight
Huge mistake challenging Death to a pillow fight.
I was NOT prepared for the reaper cushions.
My daughter asked to go tobogg
My daughter asked to go tobogganing. I said “Not with that sleddy outfit!”The Life of Henry Ford
I’m currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.
It’s an autobiography.
To petro-states much oil wealt
To petro-states much oil wealth has a crude.
When You Go
If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you leave the bathroom, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?
European.
I hate math. I'm an r
I hate math. I'm an anti-summite.Didn't See It Coming
Judy: Billy got fresh with me last night, so I slapped his face. But I was sorry just as soon as I did it.
Trudy: Because you care about him?
Judy: No, because he was chewing tobacco.
