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Short jokes - funny one liners (10041 to 10080)

Short jokes - funny one liners (10041 to 10080)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 10041 to 10080.

Deadly Curfew

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast Everybody had to be off

the streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot

at 9.45pm.

"Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior

officer.

"I know where he lives," he replied, "and he wouldn't have

made it."

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Danger in D.C.

Q: What is the most dangerous thing in Washington D.C.?
A: An intern with a chipped tooth.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #46 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Doctor, should I file my nails?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?

Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

knock knock
who's there<...

knock knock
who's there
oddley hee
oddley hee who
I didn't know you could yodel!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

knock knock
who's there ...

knock knock
who's there
oddley hee
oddley hee who
I didn't know you could yodel!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Bush and Clinton and Bush

A reporter remarked to George W. Bush: "It must be something, knowing that you put the Bush legacy back into the oval office."

"Thanks to Bill Clinton," replied George. "Bush never left the office."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (7)

How long...?

When the surgeon came to see Rita on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.

"You're the first one ever to ask that after a nose job...."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Good jokes-Jury and justice

How do you define Jury?
It is a team of twelve individuals trying to figure out which party has the best lawyer.
How do you define Justice?
It can be defined as a decision which favors you.
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Abortion Bill

A Congressional aide asks the politician: "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician's reply: "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.88/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (8)

Wine and Smoking

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and smoking, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

#joke #short #doctor #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A cop pulls a young guy over:<...

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A cop pulls a young guy over: ...

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Short funny jokes-Party game

What is a party game played by Swedes?
One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Zombie Booty Call... Tall

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet--and the dead bodies of people whose brains I've eaten.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Q: Why did the scientist ...

Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

A: To win the no-bell prize.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Knock Knock.

Who's...

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Wanda.

Wanda who?

Wanda go for a ride on my broomstick?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Good jokes-Nail biting habit

One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails.
"Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?"
"It vas really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Kick the habit

Did you hear about the junkie nun who wanted to kick the habit?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (7)

To impress his date, the young...

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That"s the owner."
#joke #short #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Adult jokes-Curly hair

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently, it's Africa.
#joke #short #sport
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

ID?

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says," ' Bout what?"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.84/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (37)

Good jokes-You might be a Statistician if

You Might Be a Statistician if...
no one wants your job.
you are right 95% of the time.
you feel complete and sufficient.
you found accountancy too exciting.
you never have to say you are certain.
you may not be normal but you are transformable.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Talking dirty

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?

A. $3.99 a minute.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (10)

2012 Olympics

The city of Paris lost the chance to host the 2012 Olympics and they're very bitter about it.

Apparently the Parisians are disappointed because they were looking forward to being rude to thousands of new people.

-Conan O'Brien

#joke #short #sport #olympic
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.90/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (10)

Smart man + Smart Woman = Roma...

Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

School Prayer Solution

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

Hold it in

Why do men get married?

So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Lawyer jokes-Contingent fee

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Ethiopian blow job

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You know she'll swallow.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (10)

Lab mice

Why are they having so much trouble finding a cure for AIDS?

The scientists can't get the little mice to butt fuck.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short #animal #mice
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.23/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (13)

Who takes care of the farm ...

Q. Who takes care of the farm when the farmer is sick?
A. The pharmacist!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

What happened

What happened to the frog's car?

It got toad away.

Submitted by calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short #animal #frog
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (12)

Church Signs

"Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!"
"Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case."
"Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What's yours?"
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due."

Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.14/10

Rating: 2.1/10 (7)

Q. How do you make holy water?...

Q. How do you make holy water?

A. Boil the hell out of it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Obama jokes-Smart daughters

“Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations.”
–Jay Leno
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

What does the Bermud

What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? They both swallowed a lot of semen.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.90/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (10)

Golf and Skydiving

What is the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer says "whack....DAMN!" and a skydiver says " Damn ..... WHACK!!"

#joke #short #sport #golf #golfer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Kids go to sleep with a teddy ...

Kids go to sleep with a teddy bear. Chuck norris goes to sleep with an actual bear.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

One line jokes-Roll on Deodorant

You are so bald that when you wear a turtleneck you look like a Roll on Deodorant.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Too late !

A skeleton comes to the doctor. Doctor : You are coming

pretty late !

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.43/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (7)

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