|
Short jokes - funny one liners (10961 to 11000)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 10961 to 11000. |
Halloween jokes-President Obama
President Obama tried to get a new tax through for Halloween. He wanted all families making more than $250,000 to give extra candy to trick-or-treaters.
#joke #short #halloween
Shaun Latham: Lazy Eye
You get into a lot of fights growing up with a lazy eye, cause no matter how I look at you its the wrong way.#joke #short
Don't ask me for a can o...
Don't ask me for a can opener. It's pry vat property.#joke #short
When the boogie man goes to sl...
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Sister: What are you givi...
Sister: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?Brother: A list of everything I want!
Really funny jokes-Guess who?
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"
#joke #short
Craig Ferguson: Talking About Sex in Scotland
Nobody talks about sex in Scotland. Scottish gynecologists dont even talk about sex. Its just like: Get up on the table there, Mrs. Henderson. Lift up your skirt. Well take a look at your magic baby door.#joke #short
Wife is the knife which cuts t...
Wife is the knife which cuts the life but there is no life without a wife.#joke #short
I said to an Evangelical frien...
I said to an Evangelical friend with a leaky roof, “I have a problem with Je-hoval's wetnesses!'#joke #short
Chuck Norris invented water....
Chuck Norris invented water.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Knock, knock.
Whos...
Knock, knock. Whos there?
Luck.
Luck who?
Luck through the keyhole and you'll find out!
#joke #short
Greg Behrendt: Halloween Rules
I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume -- cause if youve manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: dont grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you. #joke #short #halloween
Valet drivers love the rong...
Valet drivers love the limo scene.#joke #short
Chuck Norris has a pet kitten ...
Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.Carving Out Humor on Halloween
Contributed by The Florida Dude
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
#joke #short #halloween
Lewis Black: All the Candy Corn Ever Made
The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America thats never been advertised. And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. #joke #short #halloween
Visit to the museum...
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."
#joke #short
The world will never run out o...
The world will never run out of water, according to Wells Fargo.#joke #short
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuc...
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
TEACHER: What do you call...
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?PUPILS: A teacher.
#joke #short
The Time
Contributed by The Florida Dude
Pilot: Control tower, what time is it?
Control tower: What airline is this?
Pilot: What difference does that make?
Control tower: Well if you are United, it is 6:00p.m.; if you are TWA, it is 1800 hours; if you are Delta, the big hand is on the�..�
#joke #short
Matt Braunger: Even Funner Halloween
Halloween not only stays fun, but gets funner -- if thats a word. Like, Halloween when youre a kid, you dress up in a costume: free candy. You grow up, dress up in a costume: drunk as balls. Its awesome#joke #short #halloween
Yo Mamma so stupid
Yo mamma so stupid, she uses coupons at the 99 cent store.#joke #short
If the Magi Were Women...
You know what would have happened if there had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise MEN, don’t you?
The three wise WOMEN would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the Baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and given practical gifts.
#joke #short
Pilot: Control tower, what ti...
Pilot: Control tower, what time is it?Control tower: What airline is this?
Pilot: What difference does that make?
Control tower: Well if it is UA, it is 6:00p.m.; if it is TWA, it is 1800 hours; if it is Ozark, the big hand is on the…..”
#joke #short
Which bankers put glitter on t...
Which bankers put glitter on their testicles?#joke #short
Aliens DO indeed exist. They j...
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Confusius say,"Man who stands ...
Confusius say,"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."#joke #short
Pirate Joke
Contributed by Steve Johnson
Pirate walks into a bar...
Bartender asks, "Do you know you have a steering wheel stuck to the front of your pants?"
Pirate answers, "AAAARRRGGGG, it's driving me nuts."
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Cory Kahaney: Handling Halloween
Halloween is pay day, folks. A lot of parents are strange; they say, Ration the candy. I say, Let them eat as much as they want -- they throw up, the rest is mine. Thats how I handle Halloween. #joke #short #halloween
Going to the movies
Why do folks from Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?17 and under are not admitted.
#joke #short
I thought I saw my twin in a l...
I thought I saw my twin in a looking glass but it was just a mere image.#joke #short
Chuck Norris can eat just one ...
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.Finance jokes-CPA
What does CPA stand for?Can't Produce Anything
What does FCPA stand for?
Finally Caught Pinching the Assets.
#joke #short
After a quarrel, a wife said t...
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."#joke #short
My girlfriend had feet where t...
My girlfriend had feet where there should have been nipples. Just thinking about her makes me hungry for ToesTittos.If you want a list of Chuck No...
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. #joke #short #chuck-norris
