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Short jokes - funny one liners (11001 to 11040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11001 to 11040. |
After a quarrel, a wife said t...
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
#joke #short
Mark Curry: No Halloween Costumes
We couldnt afford no Halloween costumes -- eight kids, please! Mama sent us down to the liquor store, put boxes on us. We didnt know what we were -- I dont know what we are. I dont know. She didnt tell us. I think we UPS? I dont know.#joke #short #halloween
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."
#joke #short
One of my legs was outsourced ...
One of my legs was outsourced to Bangladesh. Just another casualty of globalize a shin.#joke #short
Chuck Norris does the Sunday N...
Chuck Norris does the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle in ink. #joke #short #chuck-norris
Angry Nuns Take On a Vampire
Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of their car. "Quick sister," screams one nun, "Show him your cross!"
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Hey! You! Buzz off!"
#joke #short
Do carpenters puts jamb on the...
Do carpenters puts jamb on their toast?#joke #short
Everyday, Chuck Norris goes fo...
Everyday, Chuck Norris goes for a short walk, just to keep the planet spinning.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Q: What do you call a midget f...
Q: What do you call a midget fortuneteller on the run from the law?A: A small medium at large.
#joke #short
When Chuck Norris plays Monopo...
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Q: What do you call a midget f...
Q: What do you call a midget fortuneteller on the run from the law?A: A small medium at large.
#joke #short
Spelling Bee
Contributed by Bonita Browning
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard.
"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
Paul F. Tompkins: Name in Print
I do not understand why people write letters to magazines. It accomplishes nothing; its pointless. [If] you want to see your name in print that bad, write on a piece of paper and look at it: Ah, there it is. Just as I always dreamed. #joke #short
When it came to basketball, Ab...
When it came to basketball, Abdul-Jabbar was the Kareem of the crop.#joke #short
President Roosevelt once rode ...
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.Jeff Dye: Double Standards
A lot of double standards in Los Angeles. Like if a girl goes out, sleeps with a bunch of dudes, shes considered a slut. But if a guy does it, hes considered a homosexual. Thats messed up.#joke #short
Geraniums....
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"
Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
#joke #short
Two children went into their p...
Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner."Whatever you do," cautioned one child to the younger one, "don't step on it!"
"Why not?" asked the sibling.
"Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!"
Little Johnny wasn't very good...
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oralspelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
#joke #short
I love turning on fans. It giv...
I love turning on fans. It gives me vent elation.#joke #short
Kryptonite has been found to c...
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Really funny jokes-Suffering accountants
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?Depreciation.
#joke #short
Question & Answer
Contributed by The Florida Dude
Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!
#joke #short
Damon Wayans: Bicycle Cop
I got pulled over by a bicycle cop in L.A. -- not a motorcycle cop, a bicycle cop. And Im in my car, and he gets out -- hes sweating, hes got these little shorts on. You know how fast you were going? Yeah, a lot faster than that bike. #joke #short
Q: What did one math book say ...
Q: What did one math book say to the other?A: Man I got a lot of problems!
#joke #short
Thea Vidale: Love My Children
I love my children as much as anybody in here. I let them watch TV and stuff -- when I let them out of the shed.#joke #short
Weeping Willows are a result o...
Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Answering Machine Message 43
Militaristic mechanical voice: FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.
#joke #short
Good news...bad news...
"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
#joke #short
Chuck Norris can lick his elbo...
Chuck Norris can lick his elbow.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris does not beg to d...
Chuck Norris does not beg to differ. Differ begs to Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Laura Kightlinger: Sex Rule
I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebodys face while were having sex. Because, number one, what if I know the guy?#joke #short
