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Short jokes - funny one liners (11041 to 11080)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11041 to 11080. |
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie ...
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Mike Vecchione: Gun Is Like a Penis
Having a gun, lets face it guys, is a lot like having a penis, I think. You got to keep it concealed. And if you wave it in a womans face, chances are shell call the cops.#joke #short
When Arnold says "I'll be back...
When Arnold says "I'll be back" in the Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Ted Alexandro: Future Wife
Im single. I often think about my future wife and how lax shes been about getting in touch with me. #joke #short
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norr...
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Rich Vos: Best Relationship Ever
The best relationship I ever had -- I used to go out with a homeless girl. Yeah, it was great cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere. #joke #short
Hardware Store
Yo mamma is like a hardware store 10 cents a screw!#joke #short
When Chuck Norris watches a po...
When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The chief export of Chuck Norr...
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.#joke #short #chuck-norris
What Do You Like Best About Me
Contributed by The Florida Dude
I asked the Dudette the other day what she liked best about me....
"Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
She replied....
"Your sense of humor, dear."
#joke #short
Time waits for no man. Unless ...
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
A sign posted in a Dentist's o...
A sign posted in a Dentist's office said:"Please be nice to our dentists. They have fillings too."
#joke #short
Gabriel Iglesias: Landing in Phoenix
I got off the plane -- I was walking and cooking at the same time.#joke #short
Paul Varghese: Buying a Convertible
I was actually thinking about buying a convertible... But then I thought, what if I was at a stoplight -- how would I avoid the homeless guy?#joke #short
The Perscription
Contributed by Roy MacArthur
The physician writing out a prescription for his hypertensive cardiac patient: �Diazepam 5mg (tranquilizer) TDS".
The patient�s wife asks, "Doctor, when are these medicines to be given?"
Doctor: "These are to be taken by you. He needs rest"
Chuck Norris built a time mach...
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Funny jokes-First accountant
Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
#joke #short
Before science was invented it...
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jim Gaffigan: Wish I Was Ethnic
I wish I was ethnic; Im nothing. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. But if youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk.#joke #short
In honor of Chuck Norris, all ...
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Why did the blonde t
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.Jean-Claude Van Damme once kic...
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' butt. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.#joke #short #chuck-norris
A woman confided to her girlfr...
A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again."The friend said, "How flattering."
The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."
#joke #short
Expanding universe
We live in an expanding universe.All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chuck-norris
Alfred Robles: Girl Like a Report Card
I want a girl that reminds me of my report card: her face has to be an A, she has to have double DDs, cause tonight I want to F. #joke #short
Dear John,
I have bee...
Dear John,I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.
Paper beats rock, rock beats s...
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. #joke #short #chuck-norris
Good jokes-Norwegian in Museum
A Norwegian went to a museum. The tour guide was explaining: "This sword is over 2000 years old."
The Norwegian paused for a second to think about it and then asked: "How is that possible? We are only in the year 1998."
The Norwegian paused for a second to think about it and then asked: "How is that possible? We are only in the year 1998."
#joke #short
Exchange
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
#joke #short
Alfred Robles: Engaged for 10 Months
My girl wants to change the engagement rules. She tells me, Babe, why do I got to wear a ring and let guys know Im taken, and you dont got to wear nothing? I told her, Babe, I wear my sad face every day.#joke #short
Water You Say
Contributed by Betty Marshall
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
#joke #short
Chuck Norris has two speeds: w...
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Christian Finnegan: Gym Membership
I joined a gym recently. I dont have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this times gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either Ill get into shape, or Ill just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the c...
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
#joke #short
