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Short jokes - funny one liners (11081 to 11120)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11081 to 11120. |
Creation
Contributed by Perry Woods
While creating wives, God promised man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
Unfortunately, he then made the earth round.
#joke #short
Champions are the breakfast of...
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck NorrisTEACHER: Donald, what is the c...
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Safety briefing
An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying 'In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,' when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"
#joke #short
Eliot Chang: That Stupid Friend
We all can agree, no matter what color you are, every group of friends has that one stupid friend. Look around you, youll find one. If you cant find one, its you.#joke #short
"Dick Cheney feels respon...
"Dick Cheney feels responsible for his daughter being a lesbian because growing up, she heard him say 'go f**k yourself' so many times, she finally tried it." -- Bill Maher#joke #short
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheet...
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Celebrity jokes-Tomkat and Bragelina
Q: Now that Tomkat (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) have had a silent birth everyone's wondering what Brangelina are going to do?
A: Sources say that they are going to have the baby in Africa and adopt it right away.
A: Sources say that they are going to have the baby in Africa and adopt it right away.
#joke #short
Demetri Martin: Futon World
Theres a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I love that name, Futon World. Makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time. #joke #short
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nig...
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jimmy Dore: Growing Up in a Big Family
They go, Well, you learn a lot about life growing up in a big family, dont you? Yeah, I learned that Im replaceable. #joke #short
Chuck Norris knows 47 ways to ...
Chuck Norris knows 47 ways to decapitate a man with only a slice of pecan pie.Chuck Norris' first job was as...
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jordan Rubin: New Cell Phone
You ever get a new cell phone and youre too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people? #joke #short
Answering Machine Message 116
Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of shirts. We'll get back to you if we like the color.
#joke #short
A teacher asked students to br...
A teacher asked students to bring old staff, 1 kid came with his grandpa#joke #short
Graduates
Contributed by The Florida Dude
Q. Why do University of Alabama graduates hang their diplomas from their rear view mirror?
A. So they can use handicapped parking.
#joke #short
When in a bar, you can order a...
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Q. Where can men over 50...
Q. Where can men over 50 find younger sexy women who are interest in them?
A. Try a bookstore under fiction!
Q. How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A. Tell him you're pregnant!
#joke #short
Outer Space exists because it ...
Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Q. Where can men over 50 find ...
Q. Where can men over 50 find younger sexy women who are interested in them?A. Try a bookstore under fiction!
Q. How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A. Tell him you're pregnant!
#joke #short
Do You Know Why?
Do you know why hippos have sex in the water?It's the only way you can keep a half to pussy wet.
#joke #short
As President Roosevelt said: "...
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."#joke #short #chuck-norris
Frank was madly in love with S...
Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn’t get up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. “Darling! He blurted out, “Will you marry me?”“Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “Who’s speaking?”
#joke #short
Believing in Life After Death? #joke #humor
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees."Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
#joke #short
Funny jokes-All you can pick
A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, "How much are yer apples?"
"All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher.
"Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars' worth."
"All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher.
"Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars' worth."
Sticks and stones may break yo...
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquify your kidneys.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Two boll weevils grew up in So...
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
#joke #short
The chemical formula for the h...
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Jeff Dunham: Tattoos as Cover-up
Jeff Dunham: Did you get the tattoo?Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful womans face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wifes face.
#joke #short
The Politician and the Woman #joke #humor
The politician said to a woman, "You sure do look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same to you."
"Sure you could!!" said the politician, "if you could lie as well as I do!"
#joke #short
Funny jokes-School lunch
School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy indignantly.
"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.
"Glue!" "Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."
"What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy indignantly.
"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.
"Glue!" "Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."
Since 1940, the year Chuck Nor...
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.#joke #short #chuck-norris
