|
Short jokes - funny one liners (11321 to 11360)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11321 to 11360. |
Those who say they can't...
Those who say they can't stop don't really know what's pause-able.#joke #short
Math test
Joe walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer.
“Dad,” said Joe, “Remember when you told me you'd give me 20 dollars if I passed my math test?”
Dad nodded.
“Well, the good news is that I just saved you 20 bucks.”
#joke #short
Forget pension benefits - most...
Forget pension benefits - most American grannies want to be pinchin' Ben Afflecks!#joke #short
Russ Meneve: Unprovoked Shark Attacks
There were 79 unprovoked shark attacks last year. Unprovoked -- do we need that word in there? Are there people provoking shark attacks? Is there some dick from Jersey in the water: Hey shark, you freakin lookin at me? You got a problem or somethin? I got somethin for you to bite right here!
A police recruit was asked dur...
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if youhad to arrest your own mother?"
He said: "Call for backup."
A police recruit was asked dur...
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"He said: "Call for backup."
Dane Cook: Watching The Discovery Channel
Im watching some television tonight. Im watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens. Youre flickin around, all of a sudden -- boom -- youre watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.#joke #short
"Vice President Cheney co...
"Vice President Cheney continues his whirlwind 11 --nation middle eastern tour designed to bring America's anti --terror message to the region. That message: Help us fight terror or ...Is that oil?" -- Jon Stewart#joke #short
Computers are like air conditi...
Computers are like air conditioners.They work fine until you start opening windows.
#joke #short
`You seem to be in some distre...
`You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'`Well, your Honor,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'
You know you’re getting old wh...
You know you’re getting old when your best friend tells you he's having an affair and you want to know if it's catered#joke #short
Jury duty
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
#joke #short
You know you�re getting old wh...
You know you�re getting old when your best friend tells you he's having an affair and you want to know if it's catered.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 97
"Camptown Races":
I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday...
#joke #short
Glen, why do you always get so...
Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Asked the teacher.Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. He replied
#joke #short
Bush in the White House
Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to seehis son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House.
Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the
Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more
Bush in the White House.
#joke #short
Walking economy....
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm just a walking economy."
His friend replies, "What do you mean?"
"It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression.
#joke #short
It was once believed that Chuc...
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Anyone who forces me to wear a...
Anyone who forces me to wear a kilt should be tartan fettered.#joke #short
If you were somehow able to la...
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?#joke #short #chuck-norris
Which Greek philosopher had a ...
Which Greek philosopher had a boob job? Epictetus.#joke #short
Counterfeit
“The grocer gave me a phony quarter this morning. You can't trust anyone these days!”
“Let me see it.”
“I can't. I used it at the drug store.”
#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 205
Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If it's good news, wait for the tone.
#joke #short
Knock, knock.
Who�s...
Knock, knock. Who�s there?
Luck.
Luck who?
Luck through the keyhole and you'll find out!
#joke #short
If you have five dollars and C...
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris doesn't look both...
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Why is the mistletoe hanging o...
Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?� asked the airline passenger, amid the holiday rush.The clerk replied, �It�s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.�
#joke #short
Chuck Norris is the only human...
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.#joke #short #chuck-norris
