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Short jokes - funny one liners (11361 to 11400)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11361 to 11400. |
A man placed an ad in the clas...
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
#joke #short
Two strands of DNA were walkin...
Two strands of DNA were walking down the street.One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?"
#joke #short
Every time Chuck Norris smiles...
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.#joke #short #chuck-norris
"I'll tell you,"...
"I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruelest disease.""Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked.
"You bet," the first codger replied, "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."
#joke #short
Chuck Norris is so fast, he ca...
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.#joke #short #chuck-norris
John Caparulo: Airport Security Inspection
I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes... They made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, Youre a dick, dude. I cant believe you -- thats too far.
The quickest way to a man's he...
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.#joke #short #chuck-norris
When Chuck Norris was born, th...
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.Jimmy Carr: Why Men Use Viagra
The reason old men use Viagra is not because theyre impotent. Its because old women are so very ugly. #joke #short
My daughter went to a local Ta...
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
#joke #short
"Just to establish some parame...
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?""Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"
"Elation."
"And you, sir, how about the opposite of woe?"
"I believe that would be giddy up..."
#joke #short
When Chuck Norris was a child,...
When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.Artie Lange: Bad at Drugs
I was bad at doing drugs. I didnt do drugs properly. For instance, Im the only guy who ever got really fat on cocaine. #joke #short
Ohmmmemployment
Two men meet on the street. One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and doing nothing!"
#joke #short
While walking to the ninth hol...
While walking to the ninth hole, one psychiatrist said to his colleague, would you believe that yesterday I had a patient who claimed he heard music every time he put on his hat?”“Really? What did you do?”
The psychiatrist answered, “I took it away and removed the band.”
Knock Knock
Who's t...
Knock Knock Who's there?
Alex
Alex who?
Alexplain later... now let me in.
#joke #short
Chuck Norris puts the laughter...
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Dane Cook: In the Year 3000
In the year 3000, everything will be instant... but the DMV will still take, like, nine f**king seconds. #joke #short
Chuck Norris let the dogs out....
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.#joke #short #chuck-norris
A man was on a beach when he d...
A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes." "Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."#joke #short
If paper beats rock, rock beat...
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
A man was on a beach when he d...
A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand.He rubbed it, and a genie popped out.
The genie said, "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes."
"Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."
#joke #short
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a wat...
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. #joke #short #chuck-norris
Lewis Black: Absolute Faith
You cant deny the faith of these people that we fight: its absolute. They believe that if they kill themselves, theyll be met in heaven with 70-some-odd virgins. Imagine that kind of faith -- to think that that would happen, when I havent met one on earth. #joke #short
Mo Mandel: Hard to Tell
Heres how I feel about gay marriage. I dont understand why people care whether you marry a man or a woman. Cause if youve ever seen a couple over 65, it is very hard to tell who is who.#joke #short
Heckling in the courtroom had ...
Heckling in the courtroom had constantly interrupted the trial, and the judge had had enough.�The next person who interrupts this proceeding will be thrown out of my court!� he said severely, at which the defendant yelled, �Hooray!�
#joke #short
Jeff Dunham: Difficulty in Being Politically Correct
Jeff Dunham: Youre afraid of offending people?Achmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: Youre a terrorist. You kill people.
Achmed: Thats different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the ass.
#joke #short
Q: Why do married men gain wei...
Q: Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
#joke #short
The economy is so bad that:The...
The economy is so bad that:The Mafia is laying off judges#joke #short
