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Short jokes - funny one liners (11401 to 11440)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11401 to 11440. |
We spend the first twelve mont...
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!#joke #short
One time, Chuck Norris acciden...
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The best answer to the questio...
The best answer to the question asked in an interview, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" . . . "In the mirror as always . . "#joke #short
The guy at the bar in charge o...
The guy at the bar in charge of karaoke requests never picks me. I feel like I'm ode.#joke #short
The best answer to the questio...
The best answer to the question asked in an interview..."Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" . . .
"In the mirror as always . . "
#joke #short
Chuck Norris' favourite cut of...
Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.Mitch Hedberg: Fore!
I never got a hole in one -- but I did hit a guy, and thats way more satisfying. Youre supposed to yell Fore, but I was too busy mumbling There aint no way thats gonna hit him.#joke #short
Mitch Hedberg: Fore!
I never got a hole in one -- but I did hit a guy, and thats way more satisfying. Youre supposed to yell Fore, but I was too busy mumbling There aint no way thats gonna hit him. #joke #short
A door-to-door salesman comes-...
A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other.The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mommy home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the hell do you think?"
Within the labyrinthine bureau...
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.#joke #short
Chuck Norris once participated...
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.Porn movies
Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
#joke #short
Afghanistan may not have the I...
Afghanistan may not have the Internet, but they are kings of Khyber space.#joke #short
Chuck Norris does not use spel...
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Answering Machine Message 208
(Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!
#joke #short
Kevin Hart: When You Lost a Fight to Your Woman
One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. Thats how you know it didnt go as you planned. #joke #short
Those who write Lord of th...
Those who write Lord of the Rings dictionaries lead satisfying lives of elf-factualization.#joke #short
Chuck Norris has to use a stun...
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.#joke #short #chuck-norris
No chair
What does E.T. stand for?Because he hasn't got a chair!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
#joke #short
"Fidel Castro is still in...
"Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. He still thinks communism was a good idea until he was being rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile."--Conan O'Brien
#joke #short
Hearing Aid
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.""Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
#joke #short
There is, in fact, an "I" in N...
There is, in fact, an "I" in Norris. But there is no "team", not even close.#joke #short
Christopher Titus: Terror Alert Level
Osamas dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Cant I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer? #joke #short
This police officer sees an ol...
This police officer sees an old lady driving and knitting at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he yells to her,"PULLOVER". She replies,"No a pair of socks".#joke #short #policeman
In the X-Men movies, none of t...
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker...
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.Christopher Titus: Post-Weiner Politics
Im thinking of a presidential bid; currently indexing and cross-referencing everyone Ive tweeted my junk to. 8x10s available.#joke #short
Any recommendation to sleep wi...
Any recommendation to sleep with a midget just doesn't stand up to screw tiny.#joke #short
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his ...
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Bill Burr: Rednecks to Afghanistan
Rednecks are like Americas pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- itll scare the hell out of them.
Pastry chefs know that old age...
Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you.#joke #short
If you can see Chuck Norris, h...
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.#joke #short #chuck-norris
My personal attempts to re-cre...
My personal attempts to re-create a black hole have met with abyssal failure.#joke #short
Before he forgot a gift for Ch...
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.#joke #short #chuck-norris
