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Short jokes - funny one liners (11441 to 11480)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11441 to 11480. |
Jim Gaffigan: Bottled Water
How did we get to the point where were paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guys sitting there, like, How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.#joke #short
What does receiving a beating ...
What does receiving a beating by police actually taste like? Try the delicious new snack : Truncheon Munch.#joke #short #policeman
Jim Gaffigan: Easier for Attractive People
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and theyre attractive, you think, Oh, theyre nice, but if a strangers ugly, youre like, What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo. #joke #short
Any argument about where to pi...
Any argument about where to pitch a campsite results in a tent situation.#joke #short
Nagasaki never had a bomb drop...
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.#joke #short #chuck-norris
At a bar, one patron to anothe...
At a bar, one patron to another: “Excuse me but I think you owe me a drink.”Why?
“You’re so ugly that I dropped mine when I saw you”
#joke #short
The Sub-Rhyme Crisis <...
The Sub-Rhyme Crisis of 2007 was caused by bad poetry.#joke #short
The original draft of The Lord...
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron into oblivion halfway through the first chapter.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Fred & Saddam
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?A: Both look out their windows and see Rubble.
#joke #short
I quit drinking and took up sh...
I quit drinking and took up showering: I'm clean and soapier.#joke #short
Some kids play Kick the can. C...
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.#joke #short #chuck-norris
vampire lesbians
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?. Same time next month?.#joke #short
Three Types Of People
There are three types of people thoes who can count and those who cant. :)#joke #short
True or phallus: dildos aren&#...
True or phallus: dildos aren't real.#joke #short
Chuck Norris can win at solita...
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Toothbrush
Where was the toothbrush invented?Mississippi.
If it would've been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.
#joke #short
Getting rid of the euro in Gre...
Getting rid of the euro in Greece would have drachmatic consequences.#joke #short
If Chuck Norris gave a mouse a...
If Chuck Norris gave a mouse a cookie, it would probably ask for some milk. Then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick that ungrateful little rodent so hard, it would lose it's appetite for cookies. Permanently.Demetri Martin: Cool Leather
I was at a party the other night, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, and I thought, That is cool. Like 10 minutes later, I saw a guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, That is not cool. Thats when I realized cool is all about leather sleeves. #joke #short
Dollars Equal Ten Cents
Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent
#joke #short
Marriage counselor
Husband to counselor: We were very happy for 22 years.Counselor: What happened?
Husband: We got married.
Counselor, turning to wife: Do you agree with your husband's assessment of your marriage?
Wife: Yes, the only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
#joke #short
"According to the Washing...
"According to the Washington Post, Vice President Dick Cheney is limping today because he injured his foot. Cheney said 'If you think my foot looks bad, you should see the old lady I was kicking.'" -- Conan O'Brien#joke #short
A Handicap parking sign does n...
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Brag About Parents
An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.
"My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"
"Yes," said the Navy brat.
"My dad has built them."
Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?"
"Yes."
"It's my dad who's killed it!"
Lost....
An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you!" he said. "I've been lost for three days."
"Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."
#joke #short
It is believed dinosaurs are e...
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Chuck Norris' body temperature...
Chuck Norris' body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.#joke #short #chuck-norris
The razor factory is facing cu...
The razor factory is facing cuts. Everybody might get blade off.#joke #short
He who lives by the sword, die...
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Stop smoking
What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? Fill his water bed with gasoline.
#joke #short
Two girls are watching a movie...
Two girls are watching a movie together in a theater. One girl leaned over to the other one and said, "Angie, the man next to me is masturbating!!""Just ignore him," replied her friend.
"I can't," she said. "He's using my hand!"
#joke #short
