|
Short jokes - funny one liners (11481 to 11520)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11481 to 11520. |
Chuck Norris is the reason why...
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Christopher Titus: Drunk Driving Lecture
Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasnt a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master. #joke #short
One of my legs is actually jus...
One of my legs is actually just a hologram. It give me a rather e-femural sensation.#joke #short
Coroners refer to dead people ...
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.#joke #short
Birthquake: a...
Birthquake: a woman going into labour.#joke #short
Seen this?
I had trouble with the idea of turning 50 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead and asked my husband, “Oh no, have you seen this?”
“What?” he asked. “The wrinkles?”
#joke #short
Chuck Norris can set ants on f...
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.Jonathan Corbett: Retired Father
My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida. And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.A thirsty Frenchman is still q...
A thirsty Frenchman is still quite soif.#joke #short
Macgyver can build an airplane...
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Dan Mintz: Science Project With Dad
When I was eight years old, I had to do a science project, but my dad just did it for me. I didnt contribute at all. I think the teacher kind of figured it out when the project was called, Is My Wife Cheating on Me? #joke #short
The billionaire's wealth...
The billionaire's wealth was so unimaginably vast it could only be measured on the rich-turd scale.#joke #short
Saddam Hussein was not found h...
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.#joke #short #chuck-norris
No Wool Downstairs
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there."
The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or have sex?"
#joke #short
The greatest boss....
Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and way the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
#joke #short
The police shut down the gym, ...
The police shut down the gym, for running a body house.Chuck Norris once round-house ...
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Kathleen Madigan: Smoking in Public
I was out last Sunday -- I didnt see any signs, nobody to ask, so I lit a cigarette. This woman lost all control of her bodily functions. Put it out, please, put it out. I turned around -- she was three pews away! #joke #short
Do BMWs run on assholi...
Do BMWs run on assholine?#joke #short
Chuck Norris is the only perso...
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.#joke #short #chuck-norris
What is the difference between...
What is the difference between a woman and a battery?“A battery always has a positive side.”
#joke #short
Those who shovel snow deserve ...
Those who shovel snow deserve a plows!#joke #short
Life is like a box of chocolat...
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
An Antartian was running back ...
An Antartian was running back and forth from his computer and his mailbox. Then the mailman came up to him and asked him what he was doing. He replied, "My dumb computer keeps saying 'you've got mail'."#joke #short
I didn't want to walk in...
I didn't want to walk in the woods. But I was forest.#joke #short
Chuck Norris can slam a revolv...
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Six Kids on a plane
A man boarded a plane with six kids.After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned Over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
#joke #short
Some Musical Christmas Advice
Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.#joke #short #christmas
I popped eight pimples. It was...
I popped eight pimples. It was an act o' pus. I'd rather have ten tickles.#joke #short
Chuck Norris knows the last di...
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Tig: Going on a Binge
I went on a hard core drinking and smoking binge, and it lasted right about nine months. And then, as soon as I was born, I was like, Whew! Do not go in there.#joke #short
What would you like for your birthday....
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."
"My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
Some boy scouts from the city ...
Some boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights.#joke #short
