Short jokes - funny one liners (11281 to 11320)

A punster's preferred me...

A punster's preferred medium is wrought irony.

Chuck Norris invented the bear...

Chuck Norris invented the beard.

Where No Man has gon

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"

The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"

Perverted handwriting, aka ...

Perverted handwriting, aka caligulagraphy.

There used to be a street name...

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

I swallowed a dictionary. You ...

I swallowed a dictionary. You can quote me on that, verb ate em.

In an average living room ther...

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Brendon Walsh: Bathroom Break

Ever been at your job and you get so bored and sick of doing it that you just go to the bathroom to hang out? You dont even need to go. You just want a change of scenery for a little bit.

Walrus and Tupperwar

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.

Standard Interface

Two programmers walked along the street. They saw a beautiful blonde not far away and one of them said, "Too bad that girls has no standard interface."
"They have," replied the other programmer, "but there is no standard way to get to it."

How Many Motivational Speakers?

Imam Mahdi Funny: Hey, Mahahaharaj.
Swami Mahahaharaj: Yes?
Imam Mahdi Funny:
How many motivational speakers does it take to change a light bulb?
Swami Mahahaharaj: Hmmm...I don't know. How many?
A. One to do it, and every other one on earth to stand around saying that they did it first in the 80s.

I was run over by a sports car...

I was run over by a sports car. Now I have Corvetture of the spine.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace ...

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

It's all in the punctuation: <...

It's all in the punctuation:

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

Wyoming Crazy Law

You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater or place of amusement.

It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.

Cheyenne

Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays.

#joke #short #animal #rabbit

Two lawyers met at a cocktail ...

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.

'How’s business?' asked the first.

'Rotten,' replied the other. 'Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyers hanging on to the bumper.'

Whisky Is A Brilliant Invention.

One Double And You Start Feeling Single Again.

Chuck Norris once leaned again...

Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.

Faster than a speeding bullet....

Faster than a speeding bullet...more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises.

Looking over the log book kept...

Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC.

I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant.

He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer."

Chuck Norris once ordered a st...

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Kyle Kinane: Thrift Stores

Ive almost bought my own clothes back from a thrift store. Have you done that one yet? You know, like, Oh, this shirts great, it reminds me of something I used to -- oh, damn it.

Do mice have their own rong...

Do mice have their own eek! onomy?

At a bar, Tom said to Bill; �U...

At a bar, Tom said to Bill; �Uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took wheels from a Cadillac, radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford.�

�What did he get? asked Bill.

�Two years,� Said Tom.

Happy Friendship day to all my Followers and Visitors :D

We make many friends :)
Some become Dearest
Some become Special
Some We Fall in Love with
Some go Abroad :(
Some change their cities :(
Some Leave us :'(
We Leave some Some are in contact
Some are not in contact
Some don't contact because of their ego :/
We don't contact some because of our ego X_X
Wherever they are
However they are
We still remember, Love, Miss, Care about them because of the part they played, made MEMORIES in our Lives!

Happy Friendship Day to all my followers and Visitors ... thanks for all your comments and motivation ... my blog is nothing without you guys x

Shortest poem in the world

Ba Ba black sheep have u any wool..?
Sheep: no FXXXk off