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Short jokes - funny one liners (11561 to 11600)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11561 to 11600. |
Death
a police officer died yesterday in a plane crash.A deep sea diver died in WW2
a young boy was kidnapped and got killed.
all their tombs cost 444.99
but death is priceless
#joke #short #policeman
Knock-knock.
Who's there?<...
Knock-knock.Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!
#joke #short #policeman
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pil...
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.#joke #short #chuck-norris
How does an archer get in shap...
How does an archer get in shape?#joke #short
The phrase "dead ringer" refer...
The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.#joke #short #chuck-norris
What's J-Lo got behind h...
What's J-Lo got behind her skirt? It reminds me of that movie, The Great Ass Cape.#joke #short
Little Miss Muffet sat on her ...
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.#joke #short #chuck-norris
I would never date a Japanese ...
I would never date a Japanese dentist enamel yen years.#joke #short
Momento
Friend: “I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?”
Woman: “Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair.”
Friend: “But your husband is still alive.”
Woman: “I know, but his hair is gone.”
#joke #short
If, by some incredible space-t...
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Men should cut their hair befo...
Men should cut their hair before it gets unruly: aka mows before ‘fros.#joke #short
Chuck Norris can cook minute r...
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.The man accused of genocide sa...
The man accused of genocide said he was only following orders. The authorities dismissed his defense as a massacre-aide.#joke #short
Chuck Norris, who had grown ti...
Chuck Norris, who had grown tired of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.#joke #short #chuck-norris
I don't like blacksmiths...
I don't like blacksmiths. They are too metal some.#joke #short
In an act of great philanthrop...
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.#joke #short
Ben Bailey: Restless Leg Syndrome
Restless leg syndrome. Cmon, what kind of horseshit is that? Its a syndrome? Restless leg syndrome? I have no idea what constitutes a syndrome, but its a hell of a lot more serious than some freakin wiggly legs.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 244
Thank you for calling Starfleet Command. No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet you are calling from, and how many Klingons are attacking.
#joke #short
Two teachers are talking in th...
Two teachers are talking in the hallway."I hear you're teaching Ivanhoe this term in English class"
"Yes, They weren't allowed to teach that book when I was in school"
"Why not?"
"Too much Saxon Violence"
#joke #short
According to Einstein's theory...
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Mike Vecchione: Favorite Place to Taser
My favorite place to taser people: the Renaissance Fair. The Renaissance Fair cause it makes me feel like an evil wizard from the future. #joke #short
The original title for Alien v...
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Lewis Black: American Health
There are packs of baboons running around Africa that take better care of themselves than we do. You know what health insurance is for me? Ive got Band-Aids in my car.#joke #short
Edward VIII's crown was throne away. #joke #short
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth...
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.Owen Benjamin: Public Restrooms for Guys
Its not an enjoyable place. We get a urinal; we dont get real estate. Its a little, creepy urinal, right? Ladies, you know what it feels like in the elevator when youre in complete silence with a bunch of strangers? Now put your penis in your hand. #joke #short
"This was nice, President...
"This was nice, President Bush wished the Iraqis God's grace on their road to democracy. And then Vice President Cheney told them to go F --themselves." -- Craig Kilborn#joke #short
What Is This?
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says:
- What is this, a joke?
#joke #short
I'm a celebrity in the w...
I'm a celebrity in the world of preventing sleep obstruction. They call me No-Snorious B.I.G..#joke #short
Chuck Norris can drink an enti...
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.Daniel Tosh: Blaming the Amish
Am I the only person who blames global warming entirely on the Amish? Are they not a constant reminder of how awful life would be without all this great technology? Every time I want to cut back and conserve on natural resources, I just look at the Amish and Im like, F**k that. #joke #short
When Sartre was forced to watc...
When Sartre was forced to watch marine mammals through a small hole, he remarked, “Hell is otter peephole.”#joke #short
When the Boogeyman goes to bed...
When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
At the public pool
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool."Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
