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Short jokes - funny one liners (11921 to 11960)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11921 to 11960. |
What's a louse's f...
What's a louse's favourite hobby? Nitting.#joke #short
Teacher: What does your father...
Teacher: What does your father do for a living?Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event.
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....
I never gain weight in winter....
I never gain weight in winter. Because I wear coat regularly.#joke #short
Rebecca Corry: False Advertising
I dont believe anything I see on TV. There was that herbal shampoo commercial where the ladies were in the shower using the shampoo, and theyre having orgasms. I went to Costco and bought the family pack of that. I was in the shower all weekend. The shampoo does not cause orgasms -- the bottle does. #joke #short
Gimme all your money...
A man was walking down a street in Washington. A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, "Gimme all your money, now!"
The victim said, "You can't do this to me! I'm a Congressman!"
The robber thought for a moment, then said, "In that case, gimme all of MY money!"
#joke #short
I am a professional flatulence...
I am a professional flatulence-connoisseur. I enjoy fartisan whines. I am, as the French say, a smmelier.#joke #short
Tom Rhodes: Childhood Dreams
When I was a little boy, I wanted to be an astronaut. That was, like, my first dream in life. Whatever happened to childhood dreams like that, huh? How come this aint a room full of ballerinas and firemen?#joke #short
Playing magic
A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?"She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and have sex and then you disappear."
#joke #short
Do dictionary salesmen take a ...
Do dictionary salesmen take a vow of sell-ABC?#joke #short
The Wedding at Cana proved that Jesus was a wine/eau.
Tommy Johnagin: Pallbearing Honor
Its supposed to be an honor to be a pallbearer. Ive never been carrying a casket, thinking, This is an honor. Im thinking, This is heavy. Are you guys even lifting back there? Its like dead weight on my end.#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, I work at a paper and we need a funny pun for a Valentine's Day Gift Guide section. ~Beth, Madison, GAAS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
#joke #short
Miss America
They wanted to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. Was that a good idea?Do you really want to hear, "My dreams for the future include world peace, and that my ex-husband gets killed by a bus."
#joke #short
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"I Don't Mind Straight People, So Long As They Act Gay In Public."
#joke #short
How will human diets improve i...
How will human diets improve if we eat all ungulates into extinction? Sounds like a bizarre proposition, but just ask my gnu attritionist.#joke #short
Jack Bauer once saved 18 babie...
Jack Bauer once saved 18 babies from a burning building. Upon seeing that he had time to spare, Bauer threw 8 of the babies back in, poured fuel on them and waited 12 minutes before re-entering the building and saving the remaining babies just in time.#joke #short
Two drunks are sitting elbow t...
Two drunks are sitting elbow to elbow at a bar. “I wish I knew where I was going to die,” Paul says.“Why?” asks Tom
“Because if I knew I would not go there “Paul replied.
#joke #short
Q: What do you call a man who ...
Q: What do you call a man who just lost his brain?A: Divorced.
#joke #short
Eugene Mirman: Pineapple Dog House Red
I dont speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I was in a situation where I had to be like, Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library? -- no problem.A Joke for Kids
Q: Why was Adam a famous runner?
A: Because he was first in the human race.
#joke #short
Men are like a pack of Cards:<...
Men are like a pack of Cards:A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...
#joke #short
A.J. Jamal: After Christmas
My mama was so cheap, she waited til after Christmas. Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow. She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.#joke #short #christmas
No room in the inn? Take it li...
No room in the inn? Take it like a manger!#joke #short
Dwayne Kennedy: Christmas Shopping
I tried to go Christmas shopping last year, but I didnt have no money. I just went window-shopping with a brick. #joke #short #christmas
Christmas Eve Joke: Blackmail
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?Black mail!
#joke #short #christmas
Charlie Viracola: Believed in Santa
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #joke #short #christmas
Russ Meneve: Racist Cops
You ever see a shooting range in a cop movie? What color is the guy on that sheet of paper that theyre shooting at? Why dont you just paint a FUBU jacket on while youre at it?#joke #short
You may ask when will it snow ...
You may ask when will it snow for Christmas, but I ask when will it rein, deer?Go away
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Yisman
#joke #short
A Moral Question
One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
#joke #short
Steven Hawking came back from ...
Steven Hawking came back from his 1st date in 10 years. Glasses smashed, broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees....... Apparently she stood him up!#joke #short
