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Short jokes - funny one liners (11961 to 12000)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 11961 to 12000. |
Santa Claus - now that's...
Santa Claus - now that's a fellow with charisma. Say what you like, the man has presents!#joke #short
I packed nothing but a feather...
I packed nothing but a feather for my flight to the Czech Republic, figuring that would be most the Prague tickle thing.#joke #short
Does Bono buy expensive-brand ...
Does Bono buy expensive-brand groceries?#joke #short
Why did Obama need to go shopp...
Why did Obama need to go shopping for nylons?#joke #short
Drunk Arrest
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."The drunk replies, "Boobs."
#joke #short #policeman
Visiting a genealogist, a man ...
Visiting a genealogist, a man asked how much it would cost to have his family tree traced. “It could cost thousands of dollars,” said the woman. “I see. Well, isn’t there an easier way? A less expensive way?” “Sure,” she replied. “Run for president.”#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, I need team name ideas for a charity walk for babies born prematurely (March of Dimes). We're walking in memory of my son Gabriel and in honor of others. Thank you! ~Audra, Allen, TX#joke #short
Little known fact: Chewbacca w...
Little known fact: Chewbacca was played in the movies by Bigfoot; he was a Yeti knight. (I read this on Wookiepedia.)#joke #short
Mopeds
What do fat women and mopeds have in common?They're both fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see either one.
#joke #short
Heaven and Hell
A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is."
Wherewolves a...
Wherewolves are endangered.#joke #short
Doug Benson: Cop Buddy Screenplay
My careers going pretty good. I just finished a screenplay. Its a cop buddy picture -- two cops: one cop has narcolepsy, the other one has Tourettes Syndrome. Its called Snoozy and Spaz.#joke #short
How did ancient bar-goers sett...
How did ancient bar-goers settle their tabs?#joke #short
Mike Birbiglia: Fear the Most
I was living with a girl for a while. We worried about different things. One day, I was like, What do you fear the most? And she was like, I fear youll meet someone else, and youll leave me, and Ill be all alone. And she was like, What do you fear the most? And I was like, Bears.
Answering Machine Message 72
Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.
Solving constipation is a matt...
Solving constipation is a matter of bran over brown.#joke #short
Brian Regan: Unilingual
Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? Im not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldnt say that. I dont give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff. #joke #short
Hearing aid...
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top of the line.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty.
#joke #short
My flatulence makes my wife di...
My flatulence makes my wife dizzy. It gives her fartigo.#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, I am starting a string of liquor stores and need a name and possibly a slogan. ~Ed, Kenosha, WI#joke #short
A guy says to his girlfriend, ...
A guy says to his girlfriend, "You know, they should make a perfume that smells like pizza."His girlfriend says, "Whys that?"
He says, "Cause if I come home and youre laying naked in bed with a pizza, well, you KNOW that pizzas gonna get eaten!"
So what if I wear jeans every ...
So what if I wear jeans every day. Don't denim grade me! Leave I alone.#joke #short
Chris Rock: Natural Causes
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cause if you was younger, youd got out of the way. #joke #short
Computers can never replace hu...
Computers can never replace humans. They may become capable of artificial intelligence, but they will never master real stupidity.#joke #short
I met a little person in hell....
I met a little person in hell. He was a demonutive fellow.#joke #short
Gymnasts do not like Paris nei...
Gymnasts do not like Paris neighbourhoods. Especially when it's a wrong dismount.#joke #short
Lewis Black: Eight Days of Hanukkah
People believe that Hanukkah is celebrated for eight days, and thats a liar, liar, pants on fire situation. Most Jewish families dont make it past the fourth day. It doesnt happen -- Come on, arent we going to light the lights? Eh, no. Enoughs enough.#joke #short
