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Short jokes - funny one liners (12001 to 12040)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12001 to 12040. |
Paddling in circles is an r...
Paddling in circles is an either oar proposition.#joke #short
Games For When We Are Older
1. Sag, You're it.2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9 Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.
#joke #short
An Antartican suddenly realize...
An Antartican suddenly realizes his house is on fire. He immediately dials 9-1-1.The fireman answers, "Yes may I help you?"
The Antartican replies, "My house is on fire, come quick!!!"
The fireman asks, "How do we get there?"
The Antartican says, "Duh, big red truck!"
#joke #short
Undercover Detective
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?""No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
#joke #short #policeman
Chris Rock: Invading a Country with Oil
Let me get this straight. We invade a country with oil, but gas costs more? That dont make no f**king sense! Now I didnt go to no fancy school or nothing, but Ill tell you this right now -- if I invade Kentucky Fried Chicken, wings will be cheap at my house.
Become More Effective
The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: "Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men."
"What is it?" the officer got interested.
"Two hundred soldiers."
#joke #short #policeman
One man said to the other...
One man said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't. #joke #short
I thought Star Trek h...
I thought Star Trek had made its last movie. I Spock too soon.#joke #short
Talking during sex
A young married woman (Blonde) was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making love?"She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now."
I lost the ability to sing! Th...
I lost the ability to sing! This situation is totally FEWBAR.#joke #short
I.D.
A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver,"Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"
#joke #short
A student burst into his profe...
A student burst into his professor’s office and says; "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, I am writing a news article on the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin for both a tabloid and a broadsheet but I dont know what the two headlines should be, please could you help me with some clever puns? ~Greg, London, UK#joke #short
Hari Kondabolu: Vegan Thanksgiving
I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And its not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native Americans. But vegan Thanksgiving -- thats just spitting on the graves, isnt it? #joke #short #thanksgiving
Two kids were having the stand...
Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father. One boy said, "My father is better than your father."The other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother."
The first boy paused, "I guess you're right. My father says the same thing."
A husband asks: Why do you we...
A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met?Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown.
#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, I am writing an article for our church newsletter about being thankful in spite of adversity and need a title for the article. ~Tuan, Honolulu (long-time fan)#joke #short
In a bizarre experiment to cur...
In a bizarre experiment to cure drug addicts, they fed them stimulants that made them feel obese and cranky, aka amfatandmeans.#joke #short
Two roommates came in one nigh...
Two roommates came in one night and told their other roommate they were going to Le Mis.The third roommate said, "Really?"
They replied, "Yeah, do you wanna come?"
She said, "Sure, let me get my strap-on."
#joke #short
Getting implants is Pa...
Getting implants is Parton parcel of being a outhern music belle.#joke #short
Did Jesus ever get a haircut?...
Did Jesus ever get a haircut?#joke #short
There is no right to privacy i...
There is no right to privacy in some totalitarian states. For example, they even scrutinize a woman's menstrual cycle in Red ‘Gina.#joke #short
A man walked up to a school an...
A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to read and write"The administrator said, "Yes we can"! Just fill out this form."
#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, we need a beach house name in Kure (pronounced ‘curry') Beach, North Carolina. Owners in medical field, house aqua-colored. Looking for something clever but not pretentious or dirty. ”A Shore Cure” or Seas the Day? Can't we do better? ~Carrie, Raleigh, NC#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, our company is having a Pictionary contest, and we'd like a punny name to cover four ladies who can't draw! ~Shari, Romeoville,IL#joke #short
"But all kidding aside, a...
"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil." -- Jimmy Kimmel#joke #short
The President and Mrs. Clinton...
The President and Mrs. Clinton went to opening day of Baseball season. Suddenly, just at the start of the game, Bill threw Hillary onto the field."No, no!" exclaimed the chief of staff, "You were supposed to throw out the first PITCH!"
What did the mayo say when som...
What did the mayo say when someone opened the refrigerator door?"Close the door, I'm dressing!"
#joke #short
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you."
#joke #short
