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Short jokes - funny one liners (12041 to 12080)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12041 to 12080. |
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, see what you can do with Manchester; namely the M'C'R. I've already exhausted the emcee's are puns …anyways hope to hear from you soon. ~Ed, GlucosevilleAS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
#joke #short
PREGNANT NUN
Q. HOW DO YOU GET A NUN PREGNANT? A.DRESS HER UP AS AN ALTER BOY.#joke #short
A young man looking to get mar...
A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like.""Oh, that's easy," his pal replied. "All you have to do is find someone whos' just like your mother." "I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, I need a headline for an article I'm writing for our church newsletter—about new members who will be inducted into the church upon completion of membership classes. ~Tuan, Honolulu, HI#joke #short
When Napster hit the music ind...
When Napster hit the music industry, it was like Sharenobyl.#joke #short
Deja moo
The unabashed dictionary defines 'deja moo' as the feeling you get when you've heard the same bullshit before.Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
#joke #short
A little girl asked her mother...
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"God Said So
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "Iam Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !!"
#joke #short
A sign posted in a Dentist's o...
A sign posted in a Dentist's office said:"Please be nice to our dentists. They have fillings too."
#joke #short
A colonoscope, aka a c...
A colonoscope, aka a crack-er jack.#joke #short
Knock-Knock
Who's there?...
Knock-KnockWho's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub I'm drowning!
#joke #short
Louis Katz: Hippie Roommate
I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying. #joke #short
A beggar walked up to a well-d...
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
#joke #short
Those with amputated feet have...
Those with amputated feet have no soles.#joke #short
Hari Kondabolu: Where Are You From?
Hes like, Hey, man, where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And then hes like, No, I mean where are you really from? Which, for those of you who dont know, thats code for, No, I mean, why arent you white? #joke #short
“Doctor, you told me I have a ...
“Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for$1,000! I can’t pay that before the end of the month!”
“Okay, you have six months to live.”
#joke #short
How to promote Viagra in Musli...
How to promote Viagra in Muslim countries: “I'll Lack Bar!“#joke #short
Witches On Brooms
Q. Why donât witches wear underwear?A. To get a better grip on the broom!
#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 109
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.
#joke #short
If you beat someone with a gla...
If you beat someone with a glass flask, you'll inflict bottley harm.#joke #short
Janeane Garofalo: Born in 1989
Do you know that there are people that were born in 1989? Thats real. Thats true. I have met them. I actually met somebody born in 1991. How is that technically possible? That means that I was already a blackout drunk with an eating disorder, and you were just joining us.Nurse: Good morning Mr. Smith...
Nurse: Good morning Mr. Smith, you seem to be coughing much more easily this morning.Mr. Smith: That’s because I’ve been practicing all night.
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Be careful if you sleep too mu...
Be careful if you sleep too much—you'll end up deep rest.#joke #short
The deadliest kind of shrimp? ...
The deadliest kind of shrimp? Prawn-as.#joke #short
Never say anything bad about a...
Never say anything bad about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. By then he’s a mile away, you have got his shoes, and your can say whatever you want to.#joke #short
Sick of hanging out with his a...
Sick of hanging out with his aunt's kids at family reunions, Newton went off and formulated the law of cousin affect.#joke #short
Donnell Rawlings: SeaWorld Killer
A whale is killing people in SeaWorld. Thats not funny but the headlines were funny: Killer Whale Kills. What the hell do you think a killer whales going to do? If you go to Brooklyn and see somebody named Killer Mike you dont think hed give you no roses.
Answering Machine Message 188
I just got a car phone. I'm not here at the moment. Leave me a message and I'll call you when I'm out.
#joke #short
Lost in the supermarket...
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
#joke #short
If you need someone to park yo...
If you need someone to park your bicycle, look for a man with a handle bar must-stash.#joke #short
Morgan Murphy: A White Guy With Cornrows
A white guy in cornrows is basically saying to you, Hey, I dont know the difference between right and wrong.#joke #short
