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Short jokes - funny one liners (12081 to 12120)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12081 to 12120. |
Tree or bush
Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
It was the 1970s when humans b...
It was the 1970s when humans became sideburnetic organisms.A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons...For You are Crunchy and Taste Good With Ketchup."
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:...
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:Like father like son....
Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
In Dubai, is it true the
In Dubai, is it true the Shake Mo'Hammock orders his wife to rock him to sleep? #joke #short
Zach Galifianakis: Specific Enthusiasm
When I go to events and concerts, theres a lot of people that yell Woo! or Yeah! when they like something. I like to be more specific when I yell things out. I like to, like -- when Im at a concert I like to yell out things like: The way you play your music makes me feel good inside!If Vanna White committed murde...
If Vanna White committed murder, would her M.O. be disemvoweling?Submarine
Did you know that the Pollacks recently built their own submarine?It's got wire mesh on the windows to keep out the flies.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Passing Gas
An elderly couple was attending church services when about halfway through she leans over and says to him, "I just had a silent passing of gas, what do you think I should do?"He leans over to her and replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid..."
Slovaks have ...
Slovaks have the dirtiest floors.Being a child actor is a medic...
Being a child actor is a medical syndrome, specifically, a cute condition.Donnell Rawlings: Friends With Cool Jobs
Comedys a tough job, man. Ive got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, hes a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, Ooh, you should do porno! Same girl sat on my lap and was like, Ooh, you should tell jokes! Fat jokes usually have a ro...
Fat jokes usually have a big paunch line.After being turfed from his jo...
After being turfed from his job, the grass thief was sod by police. There was evidence that he was carrying a blade. Also, he sent his wife a John Deere letter. But before lawn he was caught. The man said “I just can't run no mow.”Marc Maron: The Real Losers
I feel bad for people whove never been addicted to anything. Cause theyre the real losers. You wanna know why? Cause they dont know what its like to really want something. And get it. Again and again and again, until theyre sick and have to stop. Thats passion.Public pool...
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
Tony Woods: Over-Confident Raccoons
Raccoons have too much self-confidence. Look at the way they dress -- that is way too much for the forest: big fur jumpsuit, the black driving gloves, the striped tail, little sunglasses. Come on, raccoon, what you trying to prove, man?A rapist, a gangster and a mur...
A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car...Who is driving the car?
A police officer!
Vacations were cheaper before ...
Vacations were cheaper before steamships, because cruises were always on sail.Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear
My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
True or false?
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve los...
“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”
The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”
My bizarre plans to become a m...
My bizarre plans to become a marsupial are finally koalaescing.Jim Gaffigan: The Book vs. the Movie
You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? Theyre always so condescending. Ah, the book was much better than the movie. Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading. Jessi Klein: You Look A Lot Like...
This co-worker of mine, who I dont know well at all, comes up to me and goes, Hey Jessi, I dont know if anyones ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank. I didnt really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, Was Anne Frank hot? Men who are bald at front of t...
Men who are bald at front of their heads are good thinkers. Men who are bald at the back of their heads are good lovers. Men who are bald at front and back think they are good lovers.Snow Days
A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.
"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."
