|
Short jokes - funny one liners (12121 to 12160)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12121 to 12160. |
Why is the mistletoe hanging o...
Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger, amid the holiday rush. The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”#joke #short
If you live in North Korea, do...
If you live in North Korea, don't mock Kim Jong-il's nuclear ambitions: it means dis missile.#joke #short
Nick Swardson: Vanna White
I think that Vanna White got the best job ever. Is that not the best job? If I were a woman, I would want that job so bad. Like, thats her job! What a country -- she just turns letters. I turn letters, but only when they glow. Im not stupid.#joke #short
Worries About Mad Cow Disease
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
If someone steals your bra, yo...
If someone steals your bra, you can put your case before adjust tits of the peace.#joke #short
When it comes to spreadsheets,...
When it comes to spreadsheets, I pull no punches. I column as I see em.#joke #short
My Living Will
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
Back in Sicily I operated a ty...
Back in Sicily I operated a typesetting business. As we specialized in italics, all our numbers were crooked. It was a font for the mafia.#joke #short
Long Password
During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Emergency in the kitchen? Use ...
Emergency in the kitchen? Use pasta SOS.#joke #short
Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz...
Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz?She had three men giving her directions.
#joke #short
The largest rear end I ever sa...
The largest rear end I ever saw was an ass tonne ishing sight.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 141
Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.
#joke #short
When the world's shortes...
When the world's shortest woman landed at the airport, I was centimetre.#joke #short
Our generation never got a bre...
Our generation never got a break. When we were young they taught us to respect our elders. Now that we are older, they tell us to listen to the youth of the country.#joke #short
"The big scandal apparent...
"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." -- Craig Ferguson#joke #short
When the Stones lead singer dr...
When the Stones lead singer drank too much did they call him Mickey Jäger?#joke #short
Jim Breuer: When Guy Friends Get Married
You tell your guy friends you got engaged, its like hearing someone died. What happened man? Wow. He was so young, man. What happened? He had his whole life ahead of him. Wow, I just saw him yesterday.#joke #short
A penny and a second....
There was once this man in heaven, he asked God what a million dollars meant to him. God replied, "A penny."
Then, the man asked what a million years meant to God. God replied, "A second."
Finally the man asked, "Can I have one of your pennies?"
And god replied, "Just a second."
#joke #short
"Do you believe in life after ...
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees."Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
#joke #short
If they didn't have Ring...
If they didn't have Ringo, they'd have been the Beatless.#joke #short
Daniel Tosh: Only One Tattoo
I think if youre gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, Im dumb. Thats it. That way in 10 years, when you go, Why did I get this?, you can be like, Oh, Im dumb! #joke #short
Guilt...
A son calls his mother. Mom how are you. Mom replies. Not too good. I haven't eaten in 38 days.
Replying with concern, the son asks "what's the matter mom, are you not feeling well, have you been to the doctor?"
Mom replies, not that, "I didn't want to have my mouth full of food when you called."
If at first you don't succeed,...
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!#joke #short
Tricked into watching Happ...
Tricked into watching Happy Days, I fell victim to a Fonzi Scheme.#joke #short
Answering Machine Message 233
(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!
#joke #short
hell
im going to hell how bout you#joke #short
The Birthday Study
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.
#joke #short
A young and foolish pilot want...
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where?"
#joke #short
Dear Pun Gents...
Dear Pun Gents, we'd like to recognize staff members who help keep our website up-to-date and accurate and would like a clever name for such an award. ~Julie, Richmond, VA (long-time fan)#joke #short
