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Short jokes - funny one liners (12641 to 12680)

Short jokes - funny one liners (12641 to 12680)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12641 to 12680.

Can ice cube trays be improved...

Can ice cube trays be improved? You'll have to undertake a freezability study.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Knock Knock
Who's there? <...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Madam
Madam who?
MADAM FOOTS STUCK IN THE DOOR!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (9)

Which of the following games w...

Which of the following games will result in pregnancy?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

Answering Machine Message 60


This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Mike Birbiglia: Sex and Pizza

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When its good, its good. When its bad, you get it on your shirt.
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.76/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (55)

Suntanning in the tropics is m...

Suntanning in the tropics is my ray-zone d'etre.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Hands and Knees

What do you get when you are on you hands and knees?

You get very dirty.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Hands and Knees

What do you get when you are on you hands and knees?

You get very dirty.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

A cowboy rides into town on Fr...

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it?

The horses name is Friday
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.95/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (38)

Using dirty Q-tips is ...

Using dirty Q-tips is ear-rash-ional.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

How to keep a blonde

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll down...

Scroll up...

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

The Election Is Over, The Resu...

The Election Is Over, The Results Are Known.

The Will Of The People Has Been Clearly Shown.

So Lets All Get Together And Let Bitterness Pass,

I'll Hug Your Elephant, And You Can Kiss My ASS!
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

What’s worse than finding a wo...

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? 
Half a worm.
#joke #short #animal #worm #fruit #apple
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Do citrus farmers drive around...

Do citrus farmers drive around in lime-oozings?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (10)

A Silent Bomb in Church

An elderly couple were in church. The wife leaned over and whispered to her husband, "I just let out a long silent fart... what should I do?"
The husband replied, "Replace the batteries in your hearing aid."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member eyesoftheworld

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.99/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (69)

Sex with Strangers

Getting drunk and having sex with strangers. Thats how Irish people meet, isnt it?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Little Johnny walked into the ...

Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth. His mom asked, "Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?"

Johnny replied, " I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

“How are you getting on with y...

“How are you getting on with your exams?”
“Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it’s the answers I have trouble with!”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

If they ever catch the Swamp T...

If they ever catch the Swamp Thing, it will prove once and for all there is life on marsh.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Food

Why is food better than men?

Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short #food
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Donald Glover: Black Nerd

If you like strange, specific stuff -- thats a nerd. Kanye West is a black nerd. He likes strange, specific stuff. If you go up to Kanye West and say, Hey, what are your favorite things? Hell be like, Robots and teddy bears. Thats a nerd.
#joke #short #animal #bear
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

The inventor of women's ...

The inventor of women's underwear should be in our panteon of heroes.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Do You Know Where You Were Going?


A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Kurt Metzger: Liposuction

I saw liposuction. You ever see how they do that? Its, like, violent. They get the hose -- it looks like theyre mad at how fat you are.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (49)

Guidance Counselor: " Where ...

Guidance Counselor: " Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
Student: " In a mirror...duh."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

The world's first murder...

The world's first murderer was an Abel-bodied male.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Pete Holmes: Not a Manly Guy

Im not a manly guy, Im not one of those guys like, Oh yeah, lets go eat some ham on the bone! Further illustrated by the fact that thats my example of what men are doing.
#joke #short #food #ham
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Lawyer One Liners #4

** What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

** What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

#joke #short #lawyer #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Natasha Leggero: Going Home to Illinois

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time Im home? And my mother said, You used to talk like that, too, Tasha. And I said, Yes, but you see, Ive reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Q: What is the difference betw...

Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Finishing my classics PhD was ...

Finishing my classics PhD was like escaping from a labyrinth. Luckily, my supervisor was an expert on ancient Greek mythology. It was like theses and the mentor.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Rob Riggle: Now That Obama Is President

Now that he is our president, I think its time we as a nation just took a deep breath and collectively just said out loud, O.J. killed those people. It feels good.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (10)

Absolutely naked woman enters ...

Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
Woman: Hey, what's up? Haven't you ever seen naked woman?

Barman: Well, yes I have... I'm only interested - where will you take your cash from?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.98/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (43)

Why is 6 afraid of 7? 
Bec...

Why is 6 afraid of 7? 
Because 7,8,9.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (11)

Drinking Japanese beer makes m...

Drinking Japanese beer makes me Sapporific.
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (7)

Confucius Say ...

Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (52)

Jon Lajoie: Bought a Car

I bought a car last week. Well, by bought I mean poisoned and by car I mean my neighbors dog.
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

What has four legs...

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Dogs in Heaven

Dear God,
When I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Also, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Thank You God,
The Dog
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus

Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (19)

Japanese shogunsro...

Japanese shoguns were not allowed to carry concealed weapons.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Jokes Archive

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