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Short jokes - funny one liners (12681 to 12720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12681 to 12720. |
Louis Braille had many rong...
Louis Braille had many dotters. They spent their days playing tic tactile toe. Sadly, some of them died young from communicable disease. In response, Braille spent much of his time raising awareness about the bumps.#joke #short
Demetri Martin: Stutter
One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think thats a bad thing, but to me thats just like starting certain words with a drum roll. Thats not an impediment, thats suspense. #joke #short
Good Year
Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?A: Melt them into a tire and call it a good year.
#joke #short
A lady walked into a pharmacy ...
A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.She asked: "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
"Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.
"I can if I take two."
#joke #short
What's a morse code expe...
What's a morse code expert's favourite tech website? Dashdot.#joke #short
A man walks into a doctor’s of...
A man walks into a doctor’s office with a stick of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other and a grape up his nose. Confused, the man asks: "Doctor what's wrong with me?" The doctor looks at the man and replies: "You're not eating properly!"Julian McCullough: Male Cleaning Schedule
I used to live with five straight guys and -- ew, the cleaning schedule was nope.#joke #short
I'm really attracted to ...
I'm really attracted to Helen Keller. I have a thing for dumb blinds.#joke #short
You know you're really drunk i...
You know you're really drunk if you can't lie on the floor without holding on.#joke #short
Grandma!
A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"
#joke #short
Julian McCullough: Drunk Girl Orgasm
Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she cant remember where she lives. Shes like, Thats not it, thats not it, thats not it.#joke #short
Shane Mauss: Freakishly Skinny
Ive been freakishly skinny my entire life because theres a hole in my butt.#joke #short
Natasha Leggero: Male Comics
Male comics are always coming up to me, and theyre like, Hey, Natasha, dont you think youre a little attractive to be a comedian? And Im like, Dont you think youre a little ugly to be talking to me? #joke #short
At the card shop: A woman was ...
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
#joke #short
Your Mommas so fat the last ti...
Your Mommas so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!#joke #short
Female court jesters in the Mi...
Female court jesters in the Middle Ages often suffered from minstrel cramps.#joke #short
If someone with multiple perso...
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis? #joke #short
Jon Lajoie: Mysteries of the Universe
I have this thing that I do called Mysteries of the Universe, when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor. #joke #short
Avoiding the crowds...
It was Christmas Eve and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"What?!? That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," he replied.
#joke #short #christmas
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzena...
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?". Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart."
Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven."
Arnold then said, "I'll be Bach!"
#joke #short #chuck-norris
The best part of befriending a...
The best part of befriending an obese celebrity? Unfattered assess!#joke #short
Demetri Martin: Adult Toys
Its very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy -- location, location, location.#joke #short
Did you hear about the new com...
Did you hear about the new computer virus?It's called the "Lorena Bobbit Virus".
Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy!
#joke #short
The murder victim was found dr...
The murder victim was found drowned in a sewage treatment plant. The cause of death was sludgeoning.#joke #short
Ultimate Rejection
Q: Whats the ultimate rejection?A: When youre masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
#joke #short
Two men met each other on the ...
Two men met each other on the beach at Majorca. One looked at the other and asked, "Are you brown from the sun?""No," replied the other, "I'm Smith from The Times."
#joke #short
When the porn star advertised ...
When the porn star advertised a free orgy, she was unprepared for the onslot.#joke #short
Love and Herpes?
Q: Whats the difference between love and herpes?A: Herpes lasts forever.
#joke #short
