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Short jokes - funny one liners (12721 to 12760)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12721 to 12760. |
Are Rolaids b...
Are Rolaids banned in the Paralympics?#joke #short
Charlie Murphy: 6.5 Billion People on the Planet
To put that number in perspective, 6.5 billion people is so many people that anything thats humanely imaginable, as you imagine it, somewhere on the planet, there is a motherf**ker doing it.#joke #short
Men and Snowstorms
Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?A: You dont know when its going to come, how many inches youll get or how long itll last.
#joke #short
A drunk guy approaches a cute ...
A drunk guy approaches a cute girl in a singles bar. “Hi Babe, how about a date? He says. “Don’t waste your time. I never go out with a perfect stranger.”“It seems we are both in luck. I’m far from perfect.”
#joke #short
What is the difference between...
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?A hematologist pricks your finger.
#joke #short
An idiot guy walks up to the d...
An idiot guy walks up to the door of a bar, rolling a wheel along with him. The bouncer says, “Hey, what are you doing with that?”“Last time I came here, they said we had to have proper IDs and a tire.”
#joke #short
A traveling salesman was held ...
A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions."His boss e-mails back: "Start vacation immediately."
#joke #short
Dolly Parton c...
Dolly Parton charmed me into watching the Winter Games. I was boobs led.#joke #short
Pete Holmes: I Love New York
There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Think about that, thats true. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour -- theres always something to blame it on. #joke #short
Walking with a lantern...
Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy ?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"
A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…
What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
A boss tells his new employee,...
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?""In 3 months."
#joke #short
Knock Knock Collection 137
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Odysseus!
Odysseus who?
Odysseus the last straw!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ogre!
Ogre who?
Ogre take a flying leap!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio Silver!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio feeling!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Okra!
Okra who?
Okra Winfrey!
#joke #short
Pete Holmes: Employee Discount
What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think its just take it? #joke #short
Yo momma so damn heavy that wh...
Yo momma so damn heavy that when she stands on the scales to get weighed it says "TO BE CONTINUED!"#joke #short
The man with pickle breath liv...
The man with pickle breath lived in a very dill adapted house, near Ogorki Park. He grew pink cornichons in his garden.#joke #short
The counselor was giving advic...
The counselor was giving advice to a young man: "To gain self-confidence, you must avoid using negative words, such as can't and not. Do you think you can do that?"The young man responded, "Well, I can't see why not."
#joke #short
Bin Laden vs Custer
What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common? They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from.#joke #short
Water in the carburetor...
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
#joke #short
"Rumors are that the reas...
"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." -- --David LettermanA tourist stopped a local in a...
A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.#joke #short
Three businessmen were having ...
Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it."It's a business expense," said one.
"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."
"Let me have it," argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week."
Sinbad: Lying to Women
You keep asking me questions that you know I have to lie at. Do I look fat? Nah, no. If you wasnt fat, you wouldnt have asked. Thats why you asked the question. Skinny people dont say, Do I look fat? Skinny people say, Do you want to eat? Would you like to have a sandwich?Letter to God
A Sunday school teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring back their letter the following Sunday.
One little boy wrote, “Dear God, We had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been here.”
#joke #short
Sinbad: Obama Is for Everybody
The worlds gone crazy. You got people mad that we got a black president; but hes half white. We claimed our half, yall get yours. Theres some for everybody. Hes got some for everybody.#joke #short
Have a life after death #joke #humor
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees."Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
#joke #short
