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Short jokes - funny one liners (12761 to 12800)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12761 to 12800. |
Demetri Martin: Revolving Door
I want to make a revolving door that says Pull on it, just see how obedient people are.#joke #short
Demetri Martin: ATM Game
I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, Got it! And then I run away.#joke #short
Ever Slept with an U
One guy asks the other, "Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?"The second guy says, "No, but I've woken up with plenty."
#joke #short
His Military Etiquette
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
#joke #short #policeman
"An elementary school in ...
"An elementary school in Santa Monica is banning tag from the playground. They're afraid that the game could affect children's self esteem. This also could prevent the spread of 'kooties'."--Jay Leno
#joke #short
Government vs. Mafia
Whats the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized.#joke #short
Whenever John wanted to have s...
Whenever John wanted to have sex he would say to Mary "Lets do some laundry, honey".Well one day Mary felt horny so she said to John "Honey, how about doing some laundry?"
John replied "No thanks honey, I only had a small load so I did it by hand.
Elite hunters can kill pigeons...
Elite hunters can kill pigeons with a bow and arrow in pitch darkness. They do it by studying a coo sticks.#joke #short
The Bill Clinton Sale
Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on Presidents Day?A: All pants half off.
#joke #short
Teacher: I wish you'd pay a li...
Teacher: I wish you'd pay a little attentionPupil : I'm paying as little as i can, sir.
#joke #short
Officer: Do you know why I st...
Officer: Do you know why I stopped you, son?Driver: Cause you thought I had some doughnuts?
#joke #short #policeman
If t...
If the group included a garbage man, they would have been the Swillage People. Their music was trashy anyway.#joke #short
"Can you explain to me how thi...
"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered."No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."
#joke #short
Monster Valentine
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentines? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?#joke #short
Now hiring
Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?A: They're hiring.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
#joke #short
Monster Valentine
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentines? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?#joke #short
After beating up Walt during f...
After beating up Walt during filming of Season 5, Jack said "Looks like Walt Cummings is now Walt Goings."While Tony Almeda was able to force a chuckle, Michelle Dessler and David Palmer didn't laugh.
The rest is history.
#joke #short
Man: Excuse me Miss, but were ...
Man: Excuse me Miss, but were you born in Tennessee?Woman: No, why?
Man: Because your the only ten-I-see!
#joke #short
Huma...
Human evolution is fast in the Caribbean, and has led to a recent rise in the number of mute Haitians.#joke #short
Parsley
How are pubic hairs like parsley?You push them aside before you eat.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
#joke #short
Wife Was Mad At Me
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!
Q: She had three children, rig...
Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls
#joke #short
At the visually impaired conve...
At the visually impaired convention they were blind up for hours.#joke #short
Lightbulb... Christians
How many Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The Bible makes no mention of lightbulbs.#joke #short
My mind is gone...
"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"
#joke #short
Jack Bauer was once challenged...
Jack Bauer was once challenged to a fight by the flagpole when he was in elementary school. When the kid showed up, Jack Bauer was nowhere to be found. Instead he found a heap of burning bodies that were later identified to be the boy's parents.#joke #short
Aussies: Dislike being mistake...
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
#joke #short
A psychiatrist's secretary wal...
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says,"There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you.
Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
#joke #short
HR Consultant: "Here's my fina...
HR Consultant: "Here's my final consulting report on your company. I've listed all the dead-weight employees who should be fired."Boss: "This is the company directory."
HR Consultant: "Finding that was a huge time-saver."
#joke #short
