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Short jokes - funny one liners (12921 to 12960)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 12921 to 12960. |
Why are some fish at the botto...
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?The accountant
An accountant got out of bed and complained that he had not slept a wink.
"Why didn't you count sheep?" his wife asked
"I did, that is what got me into trouble" the accountant replied "I made a mistake during the first hour, and it took me until this morning to correct it."
Mirror
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror... She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
#joke #short
An idiot called the airport fo...
An idiot called the airport for flight information. "How long is your flight from Los Angeles to Denver?” he asked. "Just a minute," the pleasant agent replied. "Thank You" he said and hung up.#joke #short
Q: What's the difference betwe...
Q: What's the difference between the 1960's and the 2000's?A: In the 2000's, a guy goes into a chemist shop and shouts, "Give me a box of condoms!" ... and then whispers to the shop assistant, "Oh, and slip in a packet of cigarettes, too.
#joke #short
Do rowdy sea creatures have ba...
Do rowdy sea creatures have barnacle fistfights?#joke #short
Lead Guitarists and Light Bulbs
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One. The guitarist holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.
#joke #short
Midget HQ is in the sM...
Midget HQ is in the sMall of America.#joke #short
Art Gallery Nudes
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesnt like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking. The wife asks, What are you waiting for? The husband replies, Autumn.#joke #short
Jesus Walks Into a Hotel
Jesus walks into a hotel, slaps three nails down on the counter, and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member EyesoftheWorld
#joke #short
A guy walks into Dunkin’ Donut...
A guy walks into Dunkin’ Donuts. He says. “Excuse me; miss … how many cups of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?” The girl says, “I think it’s a seven-cup thermos.” The guy says, “All right …. Give me two black, three cream and sugar.”Which reptile always says hell...
Which reptile always says hello?#joke #short
My wife is turned on by men wi...
My wife is turned on by men with yachts. So I bought one. I guess turn a boat is foreplay.#joke #short
Boy Scouts
Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend,
"We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights."
#joke #short
They say that married men live...
They say that married men live longest. It's ironic, since they're the ones most willing to die.#joke #short
Pimple poppers, cease and r...
Pimple poppers, cease and de-cyst!#joke #short
An old man goes to the Wizard ...
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
#joke #short
After 30 years of wondering wh...
After 30 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted."Yes, you were, son," his mother said as tears came to her eyes, "but it didn't work out, and they brought you back."
Screwing the Justice System
Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: I cannot recall that particular answer at this time.
#joke #short
After the telephone was instal...
After the telephone was installed in her home, the lady called the operator.“My telephone cord is too long,” she said. “Would you please pull it a little from your end?”
#joke #short
My constipated friends and I d...
My constipated friends and I decided to get together and have a block potty.#joke #short
10 Things Men Know About Women
10 Things Men Know About Women 1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.) They have breasts.
#joke #short
A van carrying a dozen movie s...
A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames...There were no injuries.
#joke #short
A Prayer Upon Waking
Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen.
#joke #short
Just before getting married, w...
Just before getting married, women may ask their fiancés to get a preen-up.#joke #short
Second Opinion
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!#joke #short
Getting Revenge with Marriage #humor #joke
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
Violin vs Viola
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.
#joke #short
Little Johnny was lost at a la...
Little Johnny was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa"The cop asked, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tits"
#joke #short #policeman
