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Short jokes - funny one liners (13281 to 13320)

Short jokes - funny one liners (13281 to 13320)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 13281 to 13320.

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God doesn't want shares of your life; he wants controlling interest!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.17/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (6)

Great News

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #104 - Funny Photo Slideshow

In a Worst Position

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A Yogi Goes to the Dentist...

Did you hear about the Hindu yogi who was having a filling put in a tooth? When the dentist asked him if he wanted novocaine, the yogi said, "No. I can transcend dental medication."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.96/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (25)

Redneck Thief

Q: What does a redneck say to his friend after he has just stolen something?

A: Six-finger discount!

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A lady was picking through the...

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
#joke #short #animal #turkey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A lady was picking through the...

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
#joke #short #animal #turkey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker

I'm pretty sure God prefers spiritual fruits to religious nuts.

#joke #short #fruit
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

A Spanish man wants to buy a s...

A Spanish man wants to buy a soda from the soda machine. He puts in some change. The machine says "DIME". The man tells the machine "Yo quiero Pepsi!"
#joke #short #drinks #pepsi
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

Condom

Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me Im going in.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Woman: "Do you like my new win...

Woman: "Do you like my new windscreen wiper – I got it for my husband."
Friend "Sounds like a fair swap."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Corduroy Condom

Q. What do you get with a corduroy condom? A. A groovy kind of love.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Answering Machine Message 52


"I'm Morley Safer." "I'm Harry Reasoner." "And I'm Fred." "We're not home; leave a message."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Woman: "Do you like my new win...

Woman: "Do you like my new windscreen wiper – I got it for my husband."
Friend "Sounds like a fair swap."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Why Jesus Was Jewish

Of course Jesus was Jewish. He was 30-years-old, lived with his parents, worked in the family business, and his mom thought he was God's gift to earth.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member labratcat

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Golden Wedding Anniversary

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Golden Wedding Anniversary.
#joke #short #animal #pig #wedding
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Mary had an iron coo,

... Mary had an iron coo,
She milked it with a spanner.
The milk came out in shilling tins And wee yins at a tanner
#joke #short #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Two business partners, both ma...

Two business partners, both married men, were taking turns making love to their secretary. As a result, she became pregnant with twins.

On the big day, one partner congratulated the other, "She had twins," he said. "Unfortunately, mine died."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (3)

Buckwheat

Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name. He now goes by Kareem of Wheat.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.21/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (53)

Horse Fall

Q: What did the horse say when he fell?
A: Ive fallen and I cant giddy up!
#joke #short #animal #horse
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Is She Feeling Any Better?


Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Who in government is r...

Who in government is responsible for Britain's spies?
The Pry Minister
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

MOTHER TALKING TO HER BLONDE D...

MOTHER TALKING TO HER BLONDE DAUGHTER:

AT THE AGE OF TEN:
Honey, you are too young to play with big boys!

AT THE AGE OF THIRTY:
You are too big to play with young boys, honey!
#joke #short #blonde #food #honey #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

New York State of Mind

Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Moving with Jesus

A family recently moved to New Jersey. The first night as

the mother was putting her son, 2 1/2, to bed, she said,

"Let's say our prayers to Jesus."

The little boy asked, "Did he move with us too?"

#joke #short #mother
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Two guys were cruising downtow...

Two guys were cruising downtown, hoping to improve their sex life.

As they passed the mortuary, one elbows the other and says, "How 'bout stopping in for a cold one?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Sarge

The Marine Drill Instructor noticed a new recruit and barked at him, 'Get your ass over here ! What's your name?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Blonde Laugh

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday!
#joke #short #blonde #friday #monday
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Her asshole

What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning?

Sends him to work.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Tantilazing

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield

Because he said ...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

West Virginia State Flower

Whats the state flower of West Virginia? A satellite dish.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

A highway patrolman pulled alo...

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Dating a Nun

Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeerLover

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.26/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (58)

Sunday Morning Church Service

At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

You might be a redneck if your daddy...

You might be a redneck if your daddy walked you to school and you are both in the same grade.
#joke #short #redneck
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Hmmm.........

A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, I resent that! The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redneck. The redneck looked at him and said, You stay outta this, Im talking to the guy on your lap!!!!
#joke #short #redneck
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Answering Machine Message 140


Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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