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Short jokes - funny one liners (14081 to 14120)

Short jokes - funny one liners (14081 to 14120)

Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 14081 to 14120.

What do you call a woman who s...

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Good news...bad news....

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

The doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you."

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.22/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (9)

up, comedians, funny videos, d...

up, comedians, funny videos, dane cook, mike birbiglia, eugene mirman, demetri martin, jeff dunham, katt williams, daily joke, joke of the day, funny jokes, yo mama, jokes, redneck, blond, george bush, bush, lawyer, favorite, list, animal, college, dumb
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 1.93/10

Rating: 1.9/10 (55)

Boss: Your job is to dig a hol...

Boss: Your job is to dig a hole in this road. Worker: But what will I do with all the earth I dig up? Boss: Simple. Just dig another hole and bury the dirt in it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

Useful

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Q: What's the...

Q: What's the difference between a skunk in the road and a lawyer?


A: The skid marks are before the skunk and after the lawyer.
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

What is the STRONGEST letter i...

What is the STRONGEST letter in the alphabet?

PÂ… Even Superman CanÂ’t Hold It!!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Gambling Problem

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Knock, knock!

Who's t...

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

George Washington!

George Washington who?

George Washington who?!! Didn't you learn anything in history class?!!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Lesbian

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian."

The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, "So which part of Lesbia are you from?"

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

A rich snob shows a friend aro...

A rich snob shows a friend around her new house. The friend says, "This one room could use a chandelier." "I know," says the snob, "but nobody here knows how to play one."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (5)

What happened to the horse tha...

What happened to the horse that broke its leg in the Grand National?
It's in a stable condition
#joke #short #animal #horse
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Wife: I thought you weren't go...

Wife: I thought you weren't going to smoke anymore. Husband: I'm not. Wife: But you still smoke as much as ever! Husband: Well, that's not more, is it?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Did you hear about the skeleto...

Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?
He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.
#joke #short #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Florida Minister...

A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his local congregation:

"It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that heaven doesn't interest them that much."

"And it's so hot here in the summer that hell doesn't really scare them either."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (12)

Pagan Wives

Q. Why do Pagan girls make the best wives?
A. She'll always worship the ground you walk on.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Confession

A man enters the confessional and says 'Bless me father for I have sinned; it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month.
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me f...

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook."
#joke #short #food #eating #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (11)

Q: How do you...

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Last week I moved into my new ...

Last week I moved into my new apartment. It was so small, I had to scrape off the wallpaper to get the furniture inside.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a ...

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a £10 note.
Go and buy something then – the change will do you good.
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Answering Machine Message 123


(Sound of scrap metal falling down a staircase continues through message.) Hello, we are having some technical problems right now, so we can't take your call. Please leave us a message.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God's true name is unpronounceable...because God is Welsh."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Senior Citizen

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, ' I bet any minute now some senior citizen is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Q: Why was Ti...

Q: Why was Tigger hovering around the toilet?
A: Because he was playing with Pooh.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Trap A Polar Bear

Q: How do you trap a polar bear? A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.
#joke #short #animal #bear #food #peas
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

New National Anthem

Did you hear Clinton wants to change our national anthem?

The new anthem would be "Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

"How's your business doing?" "...

"How's your business doing?" "Well, I'm looking for a new receptionist." "But you only hired one last week!" "Yes, that's the one I'm looking for."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

What is the most tired part of...

What is the most tired part of a car?
The exhaust.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

How are men like mascara?
...

How are men like mascara?

Any sign of emotion and they're running!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Q: Have you e...

Q: Have you ever smelled mothballs?
A: Well, how did you spread their tiny legs?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

"When I was in India I got to ...

"When I was in India I got to chase wild elephants on horseback!" "That's amazing! I didn't know that elephants could ride horses!"
#joke #short #animal #horse #elephant
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Did you hear about the stupid ...

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.60/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (5)

Definition Of Windows


Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95
Windows95: n.
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Killer

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

John's teacher sent a note hom...

John's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
"John seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls. "
The mother wrote back the next day :
" If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father ! "

Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

A blonde walked into a store t...

A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.

The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde said, "HelloooÂ…. I have windows!"
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.29/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (14)

Q: How did th...

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking the leaves?


A: She fell out of the tree.
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Rest Area

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.34/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (47)

"My sister has been playing th...

"My sister has been playing the violin for six years." "Is she any good?" "Not really. It took her five years to figure out she's not supposed to blow it."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Jokes Archive

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