Short jokes - funny one liners (1681 to 1720)

I went to Japan, where I had a

"Doctor! There's fly in the o

Men Are Like Bank Accounts

Most men are like bank accounts...
When they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

A pistachio pun is nu

Stressed out? Consider hiring

Man vs Woman

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

This Valentine's Day I&#

Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"

Do puns

Early Risers in Greece

Why do people hate getting up early in Athens?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

Are mannaquins bread Are mannaquins bread for show?

#joke #short #food #bread

Do teachers build their houses

Country Living

Muggins: "Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has it inconveniences."
Buggins: "What do you miss most?"
Muggins: "The last train home at night."

People who hate shopping—is

Word Knowledge

Teacher: Johnny, what is a protagonist?
Little Johnny: It’s when you’re playing tag with kids from another neighborhood and they bring in a ringer... they're a Pro-Tagonist.

Walking Orders

A graverdigger, walking in the streets of a small town chanced to turn and noticed two doctors walking behind him. He stopped until they passed and then followed on behind them.
"And why this?" asked the doctors.
"I know my place in this procession," he said.

How does the  arsenic killer

Why do assholes never keep the

The dyslexic Classicist though

Helmets, Pads, and Gloves

My nephew came over the other day and he was wearing a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, and gloves.
He said, "I'm gonna ride my bike!"
I said, "Where? Through a minefield?"

Kids Eat For Free

Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free.
Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer.

NED: I don't get along w

I miss sugar. After all these

There are a lot of bel

Too Tight and Revealing

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.
She said, “Wear your own then.”

Which animals have a sense of

Cannibals are easily agitated.

Sticky Hair?

Rabbit is hopping along the forest one day, when he comes upon Bear taking a dump.

Bear says, "Rabbit, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies, "No Bear, I don't. Why do you ask?"

So Bear grabs Rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

Furniture stores are often loc

The Fishing Helpline

I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, “I’m really hopeless at fishing and need some tips."
The man said, “Okay, can you hold the line?”
I said, “No.”

Eye Glass Confessions

As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.
"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.
Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."
The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see."

People who spout proverbs tend

Two old friends met for the fi

Too many radiation puns on thi

Check Please!

My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account.
One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, “Guess I’ll use plastic.”
Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook, “That's okay, I’m using rubber.”

NED: Hear about my friend Stan

The Serengeti is overcrowded.

You Pick A Phrase, You Pick A Rhyme

You pick a phrase, you pick a rhyme...
Repeat the sound another time...
Five lambs and then an extra beat will do ya...
Another rhyme, a rising note, congratulations, you just wrote, another stupid verse to Hallelujah!

NED: I refuse to write poetry

Do bored mountaineers embrace