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Short jokes - funny one liners (2561 to 2600)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2561 to 2600. |
“Every Christmas I wo
“Every Christmas I would look for sooty footprints near our fireplace. I was looking for Santa clues.”
A New Co-Worker
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He’s the new temp!
People with bad handwriting ar
People with bad handwriting are actually more intelligent. They tend to be very no legible.Answering Machine Message 38
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.
Alone In the Carpool Lane
Cop: So, I’m writing you a ticket for driving alone in the carpool lane.
Criminal: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk!
The jolly fat man spoke with g
The jolly fat man spoke with great jelloquence.
Answering Machine Message 158
Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.
Take Your Child to Work Day
A father took his eight year old daughter to work on "Take your kid to Work Day"
As they were walking around the office the girl started crying and getting very upset.
As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly and said "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with".
If you shoot someone in the ey
If you shoot someone in the eye you might not kill them, but you might give them Glock coma.Saying Mucho
I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately.
It means a lot to him.
Work for a map company
“My cousin used to work for a map company. The trouble with his job was that there was no latitude for error.”
Gardening Skills
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.
Coworker retired
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
Photographic memory
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
Graffiti artists have high sta
Graffiti artists have high standards, and believe in setting bench marks.Honesty Policy
Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
Finally getting married
My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!
Me in August, and her in November.
Time Separates
"Time separates the best of friends," said one women to another.
"How true," replied the other. "Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you're thirty-five and I'm twenty-nine!"
“When the Army barrac
“When the Army barracks bathroom is in use, it's usually by the loo tenant.”
Answering Machine Message 33
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone.
Dear Pungents, I need a pun combining a fantasy creature (fairy, pixie, etc) with a graphic design term. ~Laura, Charlotte, NC #joke #short
Only one of the Three Stooges
Only one of the Three Stooges was quoted in the Bible. It was always ‘Mo sez' this and ‘Mo sez' that.Long Speech
A man giving a long-winded speech finally says, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."
“With everyone in my
“With everyone in my house tired of the usual pastimes, we're playing bored games.”
Obama is President, that’
Obama is President, that's his POTUS operandi.“The wrestler was sho
“The wrestler was showing off some fancy moves to the crowd. He turned toward me and asked, 'How do you like them grapples'?”
