|
Short jokes - funny one liners (2601 to 2640)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2601 to 2640. |
“If desperate times b
“If desperate times breed desperate wordplay, we need to prepare for a pundemic.”
During puberty, most quantum p
During puberty, most quantum physicists were obsessed with observing Mrs. Higg's bosom.Little League Etiquette
“Look, Charlie,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.”
“Yes sir, I understand.”
“Good, Charlie. Now, would you explain that to your father?”
“What do you think th
“What do you think the glib surgeon said to me after he took off my leg above the knee? 'It won't be long now'.”
Become More Effective
The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: "Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men."
"What is it?" the officer got interested.
"Two hundred soldiers."
I was kicked in the balls by a
I was kicked in the balls by a Cockney.Is the
Is the conclave of Catholic Bishops very boring?Conveyer Belt Job
During college, I worked on a conveyer belt. One day, I was on a blind date, and she asked me about my job.
"I work at the end of a belt," I said.
With an ebullient smile, she asked, "Are you the buckle?"
Not Talking To Me
Me to the postman: This empty envelope must be from my sister Charlotte.
Postman: Now why would she send you an empty envelope?
Me: We had an argument, and she's not talking to me..
“In some large stores
“In some large stores it is now illegal to buy more than one package of toilet paper. The police have named it 'The Big Crack Down'.”
Get A Job
Interviewer: Your asking for a pretty high salary for someone without any experience.
Interviewee: Well, this job is going to be super hard since I don't know what I'm doing.
Mr. Potatohead went to the onc
Mr. Potatohead went to the oncologist. They assured him “It's not a tuber!”
Wanna Dance?
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
I love watching beards flouris
I love watching beards flourish. I'm a neck-grow philiac.Why was the soprano obsessed w
Why was the soprano obsessed with songs that had both length and width?Wise Beyond His Years
Little Johnny was being shown the shape of the earth on a globe atlas by his mother. After pointing to all countries with unusual shapes, she asks: "Now Johnny, what shape is the world?"
Johnny, looking very wise and happy, said: "Daddy says it's in terrible shape."
A tourist was admiring the nec
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Native American."What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the man replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
Hear about the dyslexic watchm
Hear about the dyslexic watchmaker who was ruined by the tocks market? That's nothing compared to the horologist who spent all his money on prostitutes.Lost At the Museum
A professor at a museum noticed his tomb exhibit was empty.
He walks by a little boy who is lost and crying.
He asked the boy what's wrong. "I want my mommy!" the boy sniffed.
The professor said, "I know how you feel, I want my mummy too!"
Don't knock lazy people.
Don't knock lazy people. They are the most into-resting.In the Dim Light
A wife talks to her husband with a sweet voice, “You look great in that dim light. You look just like Brad Pitt.”
Lifting his eyebrows, the husband asks, “And how do you know Brad Pitt?”
“Why are Casinos a po
“Why are Casinos a popular travel destination? Because people have access to a paradise.”
Mrs. Golden was shopping at a
Mrs. Golden was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?""Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.
"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Golden.
