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Short jokes - funny one liners (2681 to 2720)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 2681 to 2720. |
My Wife's Attention
I was struggling to get my wife’s attention?
So I simply sat down and looked comfortable.
That did the trick.
Old Enough
The other day I got carded at the liquor store. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out.
The clerk shook his head and said, “Never mind,” and rang me up.
Can you help me find a Chinese
Can you help me find a Chinese milkman? I'm in a bit of a Quan dairy.
My ex-girlfriend got Ebola. Wh
My ex-girlfriend got Ebola. What a dirty fluidsy.At The Public Pool
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
“I sure felt a lot be
“I sure felt a lot better after buying a parking structure last week.”
"Steven," said the glum-faced
"Steven," said the glum-faced young man, "I'm so sorry! I just heard your Uncle Archie fell from a cliff. Were you very close to him?"Just close enough to give him a push," answered Steven.
If you check the Internet Movi
If you check the Internet Movie Database you'll find many SQLs.“A seaman is forging
“A seaman is forging ahead when he writes graffiti on bathroom walls.”
It's Like Shorthand
"Could you learn to love me?" ask the young man.
"Well," sighed the young lady. "I did learn shorthand in just three months."
My greatest sphere
My greatest sphere is that the Earth is round. #joke #short
Stealing iPhones
There is a guy stealing iPhones around town...
At some point he’s going to face time!
NED: Someone stole rosemary fr
NED: Someone stole rosemary from my garden!ED: Really?
NED: Yes – I feel quite dissed herbed!
Sir Isaac Newton...
Sir Isaac Newton, upon watching a large crowd of peasants pointlessly measure the duration of a speech about wheel rods, announced with ridicule – “mass-timed axel oration equals farce!”
Sense of Direction
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Hebebeegees
“The hebebeegees is an irrational fear of disco bands retiring to grow flowering evergreen shrubs.”
Studying quantum physics is so
Studying quantum physics is so mysterious the physicists are like a religious brotherhood; in fact they must take a vow of science.Rabbits vs. Wolves
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.
After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it, or should we stay here for a few days and out number them?"
Book now for the lec...
“Book now for the lecture on the expanding universe because space is limited.”
BP sponsored a concert in the
BP sponsored a concert in the Gulf of Mexico aka, Oil a PolluteszaI See It Now
People think "icy" is the easiest word to spell...
Come to think of it, I see why.
In 3030 years
In exactly 3030 years, there’s a chance things could be really good, and there’s a chance things could be really bad.
I guess it will be 5050.
Fashion designers are
Fashion designers are wore mongers.The Burglary
Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.
Policeman: Why, those dirty crooks!
