The best jokes (15031 to 15045)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15031 to 15045. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
The comedy about the frozen Pe...
The comedy about the frozen Persian was quite Farsicle.#joke #short
Really funny jokes-American soldier
A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit.
As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats.
A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog.
The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog?
Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "Oh! You Americans. You are so rude. Fluffy is in that seat, and I see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out.
The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.
"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... You eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong b*tch out the window."
As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats.
A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog.
The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog?
Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "Oh! You Americans. You are so rude. Fluffy is in that seat, and I see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out.
The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.
"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... You eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong b*tch out the window."
Things To Do In An ElevatorR...
Things To Do In An Elevator1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
5) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
9) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
#joke
A spokesperson for the U.S. Mi...
A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots.On one side of the coin would be Teddy Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale.
Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the spokesman replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call.... 'Ted's or Hale's'."
#joke
Funny jokes-The Heart Attack Grill
In Las Vegas a diner suffered a heart attack while eating at a restaurant called The Heart Attack Grill. Even worse, it totally ruined the man's plans to take his date back to his room at the Chlamydia Hilton.
I tuned out my barber. He tend...
I tuned out my barber. He tends to lather on.#joke #short
Dieters know this: A waist is ...
Dieters know this: A waist is a terrible thing to mind!#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Picasso
After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."
#joke
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank...
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank, were out to dinner.The conversation drifted from office, sports, to politics, and then to cooking.
I got a cook book once said Larry. But I couldnt do anything with it.
Too much fancy stuff in it, huh? asked Frank.
You said it, Larry replied, nodding. Every one of those recipes began the same way: Take a clean plate
Independence Day joke
Sunny : Do they have a 4th of July in England?Tommy: Of course. How else do they get from the 3rd to the 5th?
#joke #short
A**hole
While nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her."Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like to get into those pants of yours."
"Thanks," she shot back, "But I've already got an a**hole in there."
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Yisman
Drunk
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was sweet!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad,... you're drunk!"
#joke #mother #mom
