The best jokes (15316 to 15330)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15316 to 15330. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Letters From Charities
I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.
The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!
Playing doctor...
After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.
"It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age." the neighbor said.
"Forget sexuality!" The mother yelled. "He took out her appendix!"
Yo Mama Is So Short
Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.
Yo mama so short she models for trophys.
Jump out of the plane
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
I hope that this will once aga
I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor, and on a very personal level.My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives.The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give!
Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.
Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was on 12. We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.
"And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands."
"How come, Grandpa?" I asked.
"It makes your pecker look bigger."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Knock Knock Collection 0
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alfalfa!
Alfalfa who?
Alfalfa you, if you give me a kiss!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alfie!
Alfie who?
Alfie terrible if you leave!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alfred!
Alfred who!
Alfred of the dark!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alfred!
Alfred who!
Alfred the needle if you sew!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ali!
Ali who?
Ali, Ali oxen free!
A Really, Really Good Shave
After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small southern town decided he had been doing that long enough. He told his wife that from then on he’d let the local barber shave him each day.The man went to the barbershop which was owned by the pastor of the local Baptist church. The barber’s wife, whose name was Grace, shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water. “That will be twenty dollars,” she said. The man thought the price was a bit high and wondered how he’d continue to foot such a bill, but he paid for the service and went off to work.The next morning, the man looked in the mirror and saw that his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barber shop the day before. Not bad, he thought. At least I don’t need to get a shave every day.The next morning, the man’s face was still smooth. Two weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. He couldn’t understand it, so he returned to the barber shop.“I thought twenty dollars was high for a shave,” he told the barber’s wife, “but you must have done a great job. It’s been two weeks and my whiskers still haven’t started growing back.”The woman’s face showed no surprise. “Well, of course,” she said. “You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved.”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.After a two-week vacation, a m
After a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he'd had."I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned.
"Does she do that often?"
"Well," he replied, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve. Now it's eight by eleven!"
A guy is feeling depressed and
A guy is feeling depressed and goes for a walk on the beach.He finds an old bottle on the shore, and when he picks it up a spirit comes out and says, "You look tense. Would you like a good back rub?"
"Well, actually, I'm depressed because I'm so broke. I wish you would give me a million dollars instead."
"I can't do that, but I can give you a back rub."
"Aren't genies supposed to grant wishes?"
"I'm not a genie. Does that look like an oil lamp? And you call what you did rubbing it? I'll show you what a real rub is!"
"If you're not a genie, what are you?"
"Haven't you ever heard of a massage in a bottle?"
Who was Genghis Khan's f
Who was Genghis Khan's favourite Disco artist? The Killage People.Sign Your Co-Worker Is A Hacker...
Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
Mumbled, 'Oh, puh-leeeez!' 295 times during the movie 'The Net.'
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
Their video dating profile lists 'public-key encryption' among turn-ons.
Instead of the 'Welcome' voice on AOL, you overhear, 'Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President.'
You hear them murmur, 'Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor 'I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!'
