The best jokes (15436 to 15450)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15436 to 15450. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Chuck Norris can eat just one ...
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.Bloopers in the church
The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience'."
12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."
13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."
14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
17. "Today's Sermon: 'How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."
18. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "God is good - Dr. Hargreaves is better."
19. "Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow."
20. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."
21. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
22. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."
23. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
24. Please join us as we show our suport for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
Chuck Norris beat Super Mario ...
Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Brothers from right to left.Juston McKinney: Parking Tickets in New York
The first ticket I got in Manhattan I thought was a misprint. Im like, No, this has got to be a mistake. You put a quarter in the meter out there and it runs out, its a $55 fine. Thats a little excessive. Now, I could see it if you parked in a handicapped persons living room, but not for the meter running out. It goes from 25 cents to $55. Thats a 22,000% increase. Lightbulb Joke Collection 34
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: How many members of the England cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the new one, one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing something out of his pocket into it.
Q: How many members of the Pakistan cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "The players should only have to play 80 overs in a day. To expect them to do any more would place an unnecessary strain upon them."
Q: How many football managers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Well, it would only take one, but actually he doesn't change it at all if it worked all right for him last time (lest he gets caricatured on the back page of the gutter press.)
Q: How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to kick the legs out from under him, one to snatch the lightbulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be really injured.
Q: How many soccer players does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: 15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the other side's back four to all stand around and put their hands up.
Q: How many Americal college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
The Island of Trid
Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid.
It seems that most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain, the Giant would kick him into the ocean. Trids are notoriously bad swimmers, and frequently drowned when kicked into the ocean.
The Trids were a very sexual people, and the population had grown quite large. Every square inch of the island, except the mountain, was crowded with Trids.
The Trids spent their days crowded together, dreaming of the open space available on the ever visible mountain. Every few days, a Trid would decide he couldn't stand the crowds any more. He would start to climb the mountain, and the Giant would kick the Trid into the ocean.The Trids were a very depressed people.
One day a traveling Rabbi visited the Island of Trid. Despite their overcrowded conditions, the Trids were extremely generous to this man of God.
The Rabbi decided to return the favor, and to go plead the Trid's case to the Giant. "Surely the Giant can be convinced to share some of the mountain with you," the Rabbi explained.
The Trids were horrified. "Please don't go, Rabbi", the Trids implored. "The Giant will kick you into the ocean, and you will surely drown."
The Rabbi was stubborn, and insisted that he talk to the Giant. The Trids sent out every boat they had. They formed a ring around the island, so that they would be able to rescue the Rabbi.
The Rabbi started walking towards the mountain. No sign of the Giant.
He walked through the foothills, and there was no sign of the Giant.
He started up the slopes of the mountain, further than any Trid had ever been. Still no sign of the Giant.
Finally he reached the summit of the mountain. There the Giant was waiting for him. The Rabbi asked "Tell me Giant, why have you allowed me to climb to the top of the mountain, without kicking me off the moment I started climbing?"
And the Giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
Donnell Rawlings: Black Gummi Bear
I want a black Gummi Bear. You ever see a black Gummi Bear? No, because Gummi Bears are as racist as hell. They come in every color but black. They got orange, yellow, green, invisible -- come on. They must have got somebody on the candy committee like, We gave you n*****s a jelly bean nobody eats. Were not going to take a chance on a Gummi Bear.How to remember Greek mytholog...
How to remember Greek mythological trivia: use Agamemnemonics.Knock, knock.
Who�s...
Knock, knock. Who�s there?
Luck.
Luck who?
Luck through the keyhole and you'll find out!
Matt Braunger: Even Funner Halloween
Halloween not only stays fun, but gets funner -- if thats a word. Like, Halloween when youre a kid, you dress up in a costume: free candy. You grow up, dress up in a costume: drunk as balls. Its awesomeThat hard!
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question, but as he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.They are both startled and he says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221.'
Bulletin Bloopers
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Mixed-Up Terms
A father was concerned that his daughter hadn't revealed herheart condition to his future son-in-law. The first chance he
had for a private chat, he asked his son-in-law to be,
"Michael, are you aware of my daughter's acute angina?"
"Sure," Mike responded, "and her breasts ain't bad either!"
