The best jokes (15511 to 15525)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15511 to 15525. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Ted Alexandro: A Lot of Natural Disasters
A lot of natural disasters, right? Its depressing -- gotta keep giving money, cant afford it. Gets to be like friends weddings now -- like, Damn, another one. Tsunami plus guest. Ugh. Hurricanes, earthquakes, mudslides -- its like the drink menu at T.G.I. Fridays unleashing its wrath on the universe.Any argument about where to pi...
Any argument about where to pitch a campsite results in a tent situation.Charles Manson
Charles Manson has released a statement from prison on hearing Jackson was acquitted, "Thank God we won't be in the same cell together, that guy is nuts."Holy Family in a Plane
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of Jesus' family. After collecting the drawings, she noticed that one little boy's drawing depicted an airplane with four heads sticking out of the windows. "I see you drew three heads to show Joseph, Mary and Jesus," she said to the boy. "But who does the fourth head belong to?"
The boy replied, "That's Pontius the pilot."
Funny jokes-Shooting some cans
When the Police arrived, Teddy told them about a blonde guy who walked in a couple of weeks back to buy a box of high velocity 12 gauge shells. The next week, the blonde guy came back to buy another box of ammo. This went on for 4 weeks. When he visited Teddy's store one more time, Teddy asked him, "What are you shooting buddy? There's hardly anything in season right now."
The blonde guy replied, "I am shooting some cans."
Teddy asked him, "Beer cans?"
The blonde replied, "Nope. Me shooting some Mexicans, some Puerto Ricans, some Africans, don't matter me none."
Anagrams
An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the letters:Dormitory ... Dirty Room
Evangelist ... Evil's Agent
Desperation ... A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code ... Here Come Dots
Slot Machines ... Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity ... Is No Amity
Mother-in law ... Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms ... Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness ... Genuine Class
Semolina ...Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries ... Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point... I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes ... That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two ... Twelve plus one
Contradiction ... Accord not in it
President Clinton of the USA ... To copulate, he finds interns.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Learning From Teachers
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Chuck Norris can skip water on...
Chuck Norris can skip water on a rock.Steve Byrne: Half-Korean, Half-Irish
Its weird when youre a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, theyre polite: Where are you from? Im like, Pittsburgh. Theyre like, Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from? Pittsburgh. Like Im from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the island of Half Asia. Its just me, Keanu Reeves and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball.There is, in fact, an "I" in N...
There is, in fact, an "I" in Norris. But there is no "team", not even close.Chuck Norris can blow bubbles ...
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.Exchange
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Kathleen Madigan: Figure Skating
I always wanted to be a figure skater as a kid, too, that was like my fantasy dream. But whenever I watch it, I think I would have totally done it alone. I dont know how these people have enough control over the tempers to be working with a partner. Because if I worked with some guy for 15 years, and we got to the Olympics, and out of nowhere he just fell -- oh, Id skate around just to chop off his fingers. I would, and I would not feel bad about that -- ever. Now when youre nubbing your cereal spoon in the morning, you can look at that box and remember why were not on it. They once tried to carve Chuck...
They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.Weekend at Daves..
Starting the car for the long trip back into the city, Thorn and Bill said their final good-byes to their good friend, Curly David."Thanks for puttin' us up for the weekend, pal," said Thorn.
"The food was great, the booze and dope were superb, and I really enjoyed fucking your wife."
Shortly after hitting the road, Bill turned to Thorn and said, "I hope you weren't serious about enjoying fucking his wife!"
"No, I wasn't serious. She was lousy."
