The best jokes (15511 to 15525)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15511 to 15525. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
You Matter
You matter...
Until you multiply yourself by the square of the speed of light.
Then you energy.
My Brother, Taco
Alexander Graham Bell: “I invented the telephone!”
His brother, Taco: “I’m working on some pretty big stuff too.”
17 Labor Day Jokes to enjoy Monday Off
Labor Day always falls on the first Monday in September, have some jokes during 3 day weekend
Is Aunty Diane having her baby today?
Why did you think she is about to give birth?
Because you said today was Labor Day!
When is Labor Day?
About 9 months after Father’s Day.
Do you know, most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day.
If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today "No-Labor Day?"
What do you call a hobbit throwing a Labor Day party?
It’s just a little get-together.
Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day Weekend?
Weakened immune system.
Happy Labor Day!
Oh wait… we live on a farm. Never mind!
I told my coworker I was going skydiving labor day weekend and he asked how many feet I was diving from.
I looked down at my feet, "Just these two".
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?
They are key workers.
Why are zombies free labor?
They don’t need a living wage.
What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips.
Why did ancient Egyptians have a hard time recruiting laborers?
It was a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a sick co-worker?
Staff infection.
What do you call a snake that works for the Government?
A Civil Serpent.
How did a calendar factory worker get fired?
He took a day off on Labor Day.
Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?
Because they are afraid of them striking.
What is the day when most Babies are born?
Well, it’s Labor Day.
Most people enjoy a day off on Labor Day except for fire…
Fire works on the Labor Day.
Call It A Day
An Irishman had just walked into a bar when he tripped over and fell.
He got up and said, "Guess I can call it a day."
Entrance Exam
A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"
The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."
"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.
Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.
Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.
The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"
Chuck Norris once ate an entir...
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. Tech line
The prime minister of India was at the White House.One embarrassing moment was when President Bush said to the prime minister, 'Could you take a look at my computer?'
'I'm having some problems with it, I can't seem to get through on the tech line.'
A Little Cannibalism Humor, Folks
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
When Arnold says "I'll be back...
When Arnold says "I'll be back" in the Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.A Brunette's Sac
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.
Anniversary
A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."
Computer Programming
Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for a few hours until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled, "Jesus saves"
Bill, wake up!
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
