The best jokes (15526 to 15540)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15526 to 15540. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
A man enters his local bar hol...
A man enters his local bar holding a frog and an iguana. He sets them down on the bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1000 that my frog here can sing any song you can think of." "Ok," says the bartender. "How 'bout 'Blue Moon'?" The man whispers something to the frog, and the frog starts singing blue moon. "That's amazing," says the bartender as he slaps down $1000. "I'll bet ya another $1000 that my iguana here can do that to." "Ok, I can believe a frog, but not an iguana. You're on. Have him sing the Star Spangled Banner." The man whispers something to the iguana and it sings the Star Spangled Banner. As the bartender hands over another $1000, a businessman comes up and says, "I just saw that and I was amazed. I want to buy your iguana for $100,000." The man said ok, and he exchanged the iguana for the money and the businessman left. The bartender said "What are you nuts?! You could have made millions with that iguana!" The man said "Oh, the iguana can't sing. The frog's a ventriloquist."#joke #animal #frog
Short funny jokes-Phone number
Guess what happened when I requested an economist to give me his phone number - i got an estimate.
#joke #short
Sex is like software
Sex is like software: For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
#joke #short
A New Yorker was forced to tak...
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
#joke
Angry boy
The angry boy tells the girl after a night of passionate love-making, "My name is Rob, and not Billy, or Andrew or Jack or Ron or Jeremy or any of the other names you've been screaming all night!"
The girl replies, "Hey, I wasn't screaming out anybody else's name during our intercourse. I was just thinking of baby names, if I were to get pregnant.
The girl replies, "Hey, I wasn't screaming out anybody else's name during our intercourse. I was just thinking of baby names, if I were to get pregnant.
#joke
Soft and wet
What goes in hard and dry and comes out wet and soft? Chewing gum#joke #short
Laura Kightlinger: Christmas Sadness
My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time. So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. Cause Im plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didnt I get to open this year?#joke #short #christmas
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dfgsdfg#joke #short
Coroners refer to dead people ...
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.#joke #short
Marc Maron: Mathematical Cure for Jealousy
I used to be jealous; Im not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if youre jealous, its a cancer, its a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way -- I cured it with mathematics. And Im not a math person at all, but Ive been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, Id like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once -- Im still winning.#joke
Mike Birbiglia: Heard About It
Technologys moving so fast, man. Its to the point where you can make stuff up, and people will believe you. You can be like, You seen the new Sony Teleporter? People will be like, No, but I heard about it. I end up saying that all the time -- No, but I heard about it. It means I havent heard about it, but I like you.#joke